24.4 這是昨暗 ê 過暝錢

24.4 Che sī cha-àm ê kòe-mê chîⁿ

"Khì kā góa ê chhia-hu kóng," i kóng, "kiò i kā chhia sái tńg-khì."

Góa ka-tī lo̍h-lâu kiò chhia-hu tńg-khì. Góa tńg-lâi ê sî, Marguerite theⁿ tī hóe-lô͘ thâu-chêng, kôaⁿ-kah chhúi-khí khi̍h-khia̍k kiò.

Góa kā lám-tio̍h, thè i thǹg saⁿ, i tiām-tiām bô tāng, choân-sin léng-ki-ki, góa kā phō khì bîn-chhn̂g téng. Góa chē i sin-piⁿ, iōng góa ê sin-khu un-loán i. I siáⁿ to bô kóng, kan-ta chhiò-chhiò khòaⁿ góa.

Hit mê chiâⁿ kî-miāu. Marguerite kui-ê sèⁿ-miā ná chhiūⁿ hòa-chò i put-thêng hō͘ góa ê chim, góa ài i ài-kah boeh sí, tī góa jia̍t-kah khí-kông ê sî, góa siūⁿ-tio̍h sī-m̄-sī kā thâi-sí, bián-tit i koh piàn-chò pa̍t-lâng ê.

Nā chhiūⁿ án-ne ài chi̍t kò goe̍h, lâng khó-lêng kan-ta chhun chi̍t ê sim-koaⁿ kap sin-khu ê khak.

Thiⁿ boeh-kng, goán lóng chhéⁿ lâi. Marguerite bīn-sek phú-pe̍h. I siáⁿ to bô kóng. Put-sî ba̍k-sái lìn chhut-lâi, kòa tī chhùi-phé, ná soān-chio̍h siám-sih. I sán-sán ê nn̄g-ki chhiú-kut khui-khui, sî-put-sî kā góa lám ân-ân, iū-koh bô-la̍t ê pàng-khui, khǹg tī bîn-chhn̂g.

Ū chi̍t sî-chūn, góa siūⁿ-kóng, góa ē-tàng kā lī-khui Bougival í-lâi ê tāi-chì pàng bē-kì, góa kā Marguerite kóng:

"Lán tâng-chê lī-khui Paris hó bô?"

"Be-sái, bē-sái!" i kóng, ná chhiūⁿ kiaⁿ-tio̍h; "lán ē chin put-hēng. Góa bô hoat-tō͘ koh hō͘ lí hēng-hok ah. M̄-koh, chí-iàu góa ū chi̍t kháu khùi, góa ē-sái chò lí sèng-io̍k ê lô͘-lē. M̄-koán ji̍t-sî, àm-sî, lí lóng ē-sái lâi, lí lâi, góa tō sī lí ê; m̄-koh, mài kā lí ê bī-lâi kat tī góa chia, lí ē chin put-hēng, lí mā ē hō͘ góa chin put-hēng. Góa iáu ē koh súi chi̍t chām sî-kan; chīn-liōng the̍h khì iōng, mài koh iau-kiû pa̍t-hāng."

I lī-khui liáu-āu, góa kiaⁿ-chi̍t-tiô, bô i ná ē hiah-nī ko͘-toaⁿ. Kòe nn̄g tiám-cheng, góa iáu-koh chē tī bîn-chhn̂g-piⁿ, kim-kim khòaⁿ chím-thâu, téng-koân iáu ū i thâu-khak lâu-lo̍h ê jiâu-hûn, ná ka-tī siūⁿ, tī góa ê ài kap góa ê oàn-tò͘ tiong-kan, koh-lâi ē án-chóaⁿ.

Gō͘ tiám ê sî, góa khì d'Antin Ke, m̄-chai sī boeh chhòng siáⁿ.

Nanine thè góa khui-mn̂g.

"Hu-jîn bē-tàng kìⁿ lí," i pháiⁿ-sè pháiⁿ-sè án-ne kóng.

"Sī án-chóaⁿ?"

"In-ūi N pek-chiok tī chia, i put-chún hō͘ jīm-hô lâng ji̍p-khì."

"Sī o͘h," góa ti̍h-ti̍h tu̍h-tu̍h kóng; "góa bē-kì-tit."

Góa ná chiú-chùi tńg chhù, lí kám chai, tī góa chia̍h-chhò͘ hit ê té-té ê sî-kan, góa chò-chhut siáⁿ-mih kiàn-siàu ê tāi-chì? Góa siūⁿ-kóng, chit ê cha-bó͘ chhiò góa, góa khòaⁿ tio̍h i tan-sin kap pek-chiok chò-hóe, kap i kóng cha-àm i mā kā góa kóng ê kāng-khoán ê ōe, góa tō the̍h-chhut chi̍t tiuⁿ 500 franc ê phiò-á, kap chi̍t tiuⁿ chóa kiò lâng sàng khì hō͘ i, chóa téng siá án-ne:

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Lí siuⁿ kín cháu, góa soah bē-kì-tit hù-chîⁿ. Che sī cha-àm ê kòe-mê chîⁿ.

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Phe sàng chhut-khì liáu, góa koh chhut-mn̂g, ká-ná sī boeh tô-pī chit-chióng pi-phí tōng-chok liáu-āu ê sim-hi.

Góa cháu khì chhōe Olympe, i tú teh chhēng saⁿ. Kan-ta goán nn̄g-lâng ê sî, i chhiùⁿ hā-liû ê koa gô͘-lo̍k góa. I sī piau-chún ê m̄-kiaⁿ kiàn-siàu, bô sim-koaⁿ, bô phín-bī ê thàn-chia̍h cha-bó͘, siōng bô góa sī án-ne siūⁿ; hoān-sè mā ū lâng siàu-siūⁿ i ná góa siàu-siūⁿ Marguerite kāng-khoán. I kā góa thó-chîⁿ. Góa hō͘ i chîⁿ, tō ē-sái cháu ah, góa koh tńg chhù.

Marguerite bô hôe phe.

Góa bô hoat-tō͘ kóng tē-jī kang góa ê sim sī gōa loān. Tī káu-tiám-pòaⁿ ê sî, lâi chi̍t ê sìn-chhai, sàng lâi chi̍t ê phe-lông, lāi-té chng góa siá ê phe kap hit tiuⁿ 500 franc ê phiò-á, lóng bô lâu ōe.

"Che siáng hō͘ lí ê?" góa mn̄g sìn-chhai.

"Chi̍t ūi hu-jîn, i hām lú-po̍k boeh chē ia̍h-bé-chhia khì Boulogne, kiò góa tī bé-chhia chhut-hoat liáu chiah sàng lâi."

Góa cháu khì d'Antin Ke.

"Hu-jîn la̍k-tiám khì Eng-kok ah," kò͘-mn̂g--ê kóng.

Koh bô siáⁿ ta̍t-tit góa lâu tī Paris lah, bô siáⁿ thang hūn, mā bô siáⁿ thang ài. Chiah-ê táⁿ-kek hō͘ góa bô khùi-la̍t. Góa ū chi̍t ê pêng-iú boeh khì Tang-hong. Góa kā góan lāu-pē kóng, góa siūⁿ-boeh kap pêng-iú khì; goán lāu-pē hō͘ góa chi̍t kóa hōe-phiò kap kài-siāu-phe, kòe chha-put-to peh-káu kang, góa tō ùi Marseilles chhut-hoat.

Góa lâi kàu Alexandria, ùi chi̍t ê góa bat tī Marguerite in tau tú-kòe ê tāi-sài-koán sûi-oân hia, chai-iáⁿ chit ê khó-liân ê ko͘-niû pēⁿ kah chin tāng.

Tī hia, góa siá chi̍t tiuⁿ phe hō͘ i, i ê hôe-phe lí mā tha̍k kòe; hôe-phe góa sī tī Toulon siu-tio̍h ê.

Góa chek-sî khí-sin tńg-lâi, chhun-ê lí lóng chai ah.

Taⁿ lí kan-ta koh tha̍k kúi tiuⁿ-á Julie Duprat hō͘ góa ê ji̍t-kì tō ē-sái ah; chiah-ê sī góa só͘ kóng ê kò͘-sū tiōng-iàu ê pó͘-chhiong.

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24.4 這是昨暗 ê 過暝錢

"去 kā 我 ê 車夫講," 伊講, "叫伊 kā 車駛轉去."

我家己落樓叫車夫轉去. 我轉來 ê 時, Marguerite 撐 tī 火爐頭前, 寒甲喙齒 khi̍h-khia̍k 叫.

我 kā 攬著, 替伊褪衫, 伊恬恬無動, 全身冷吱吱, 我 kā 抱去眠床頂. 我坐伊身邊, 用我 ê 身軀溫暖伊. 伊啥 to 無講, 干焦笑笑看我.

彼暝誠奇妙. Marguerite 規个性命若像化做伊不停予我 ê 唚, 我愛伊愛甲欲死, tī 我熱甲起狂 ê 時, 我想著是毋是 kā 刣死, 免得伊 koh 變做別人 ê.

Nā 像 án-ne 愛一個月, 人可能干焦賰一个心肝 kap 身軀 ê 殼.

天欲光, 阮攏醒來. Marguerite 面色殕白. 伊啥 to 無講. 不時目屎 lìn 出來, 掛 tī 喙 phé, ná 璇石閃爍. 伊瘦瘦 ê 兩支手骨開開, 時不時 kā 我攬絚絚, 又閣無力 ê 放開, 囥 tī 眠床.

有一時陣, 我想講, 我會當 kā 離開 Bougival 以來 ê 代誌放袂記, 我 kā Marguerite 講:

"咱同齊離開 Paris 好無?"

"袂使, 袂使!" 伊講, 若像驚著; "咱會真不幸. 我無法度 koh 予你幸福 ah. 毋過, 只要我有一口氣, 我會使做你性慾 ê 奴隸. 毋管日時, 暗時, 你攏會使來, 你來, 我 tō 是你 ê; 毋過, 莫 kā 你 ê 未來結 tī 我遮, 你會真不幸, 你 mā 會予我真不幸. 我猶會 koh 媠一站時間; 盡量提去用, 莫 koh 要求別項."

伊離開了後, 我驚一趒, 無伊那會 hiah-nī 孤單. 過兩點鐘, 我猶閣坐 tī 眠床邊, 金金看枕頭, 頂懸猶有伊頭殼留落 ê 皺痕, ná 家己想, tī 我 ê 愛 kap 我 ê 怨妒中間, 閣來會按怎.

五點 ê 時, 我去 d'Antin 街, 毋知是欲創啥.

Nanine 替我開門.

"夫人袂當見你," 伊歹勢歹勢 án-ne 講.

"是按怎?"

"因為 N 伯爵 tī 遮, 伊不准予任何人入去."

"是 o͘h," 我 ti̍h-ti̍h tu̍h-tu̍h 講; "我袂記得."

我 ná 酒醉轉厝, 你敢知, tī 我食醋彼个短短 ê 時間, 我做出啥物見笑 ê 代誌? 我想講, 這个查某笑我, 我看著伊單身 kap 伯爵做伙, kap 伊講昨暗伊 mā kā 我講 ê 仝款 ê 話, 我 tō 提出一張 500 franc ê 票仔, kap 一張紙叫人送去予伊, 紙頂寫 án-ne:

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你傷緊走, 我煞袂記得付錢. 這是昨暗 ê 過暝錢.

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批送出去了, 我 koh 出門, 敢若是欲逃避這種卑鄙動作了後 ê 心虛.

我走去揣 Olympe, 伊拄 teh 穿衫. 干焦阮兩人 ê 時, 伊唱下流 ê 歌娛樂我. 伊是標準 ê 毋驚見笑, 無心肝, 無品味 ê 趁食查某, 上無我是 án-ne 想; 凡勢 mā 有人數想伊 ná 我數想 Marguerite 仝款. 伊 kā 我討錢. 我予伊錢, tō 會使走 ah, 我 koh 轉厝.

Marguerite 無回批.

我無法度講第二工我 ê 心是偌亂. Tī 九點半 ê 時, 來一个信差, 送來一个批囊, 內底裝我寫 ê 批 kap彼張 500 franc ê 票仔, 攏無留話.

"這 siáng 予你 ê?" 我問信差.

"一位夫人, 伊和女僕欲坐驛馬車去 Boulogne, 叫我 tī 馬車出發了才送來."

我走去 d'Antin 街.

"夫人六點去英國 ah," 顧門 ê 講.

Koh 無啥值得我留 tī Paris lah, 無啥通恨, mā 無啥通愛. Chiah-ê 打擊予我無氣力. 我有一个朋友欲去東方. 我 kā 阮老爸講, 我想欲 kap 朋友去; 阮老爸予我一寡匯票 kap 介紹批, 過差不多八九工, 我 tō ùi Marseilles 出發.

我來到 Alexandria, ùi 一个我 bat tī Marguerite in 兜拄過 ê 大使館隨員遐, 知影這个可憐 ê 姑娘病甲真重.

Tī 遐, 我寫一張批予伊, 伊 ê 回批你 mā 讀過; 回批我是 tī Toulon 收著 ê.

我即時起身轉來, 賰 ê 你攏知 ah.

今你干焦 koh 讀幾張仔 Julie Duprat 予我 ê 日記 tō 會使 ah; chiah-ê 是我所講 ê 故事重要 ê 補充.

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24.4

"Tell my coachman," she said, "to go back with the carriage." 

I went down myself and sent him away. When I returned Marguerite was lying in front of the fire, and her teeth chattered with the cold. 

I took her in my arms. I undressed her, without her making a movement, and carried her, icy cold, to the bed. Then I sat beside her and tried to warm her with my caresses. She did not speak a word, but smiled at me. 

It was a strange night. All Marguerite's life seemed to have passed into the kisses with which she covered me, and I loved her so much that in my transports of feverish love I asked myself whether I should not kill her, so that she might never belong to another. 

A month of love like that, and there would have remained only the corpse of heart or body. 

The dawn found us both awake. Marguerite was livid white. She did not speak a word. From time to time, big tears rolled from her eyes, and stayed upon her cheeks, shining like diamonds. Her thin arms opened, from time to time, to hold me fast, and fell back helplessly upon the bed. 

For a moment it seemed to me as if I could forget all that had passed since I had left Bougival, and I said to Marguerite: 

"Shall we go away and leave Paris?" 

"No, no!" she said, almost with affright; "we should be too unhappy. I can do no more to make you happy, but while there is a breath of life in me, I will be the slave of your fancies. At whatever hour of the day or night you will, come, and I will be yours; but do not link your future any more with mine, you would be too unhappy and you would make me too unhappy. I shall still be pretty for a while; make the most of it, but ask nothing more." 

When she had gone, I was frightened at the solitude in which she left me. Two hours afterward I was still sitting on the side of the bed, looking at the pillow which kept the imprint of her form, and asking myself what was to become of me, between my love and my jealousy. 

At five o'clock, without knowing what I was going to do, I went to the Rue d'Antin. 

Nanine opened to me.

"Madame can not receive you," she said in an embarrassed way.


"Why?" 

"Because M. le Comte de N. is there, and he has given orders to let no one in." 

"Quite so," I stammered; "I forgot." 

I went home like a drunken man, and do you know what I did during the moment of jealous delirium which was long enough for the shameful thing I was going to do? I said to myself that the woman was laughing at me; I saw her alone with the count, saying over to him the same words that she had said to me in the night, and taking a five-hundred-franc note I sent it to her with these words: 

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"You went away so suddenly that I forgot to pay you. Here is the price of your night." 

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Then when the letter was sent I went out as if to free myself from the instantaneous remorse of this infamous action. 

I went to see Olympe, whom I found trying on dresses, and when we were alone she sang obscene songs to amuse me. She was the very type of the shameless, heartless, senseless courtesan, for me at least, for perhaps some men might have dreamed of her as I dreamed of Marguerite. She asked me for money. I gave it to her, and, free then to go, I returned home. 

Marguerite had not answered. 

I need not tell you in what state of agitation I spent the next day. At half past nine a messenger brought me an envelope containing my letter and the five-hundred-franc note, not a word more. 

"Who gave you this?" I asked the man. 

"A lady who was starting with her maid in the next mail for Boulogne, and who told me not to take it until the coach was out of the courtyard." 

I rushed to the Rue d'Antin.

"Madame left for England at six o'clock," said the porter. 

There was nothing to hold me in Paris any longer, neither hate nor love. I was exhausted by this series of shocks. One of my friends was setting out on a tour in the East. I told my father I should like to accompany him; my father gave me drafts and letters of introduction, and eight or ten days afterward I embarked at Marseilles. 

It was at Alexandria that I learned from an attache at the embassy, whom I had sometimes seen at Marguerite's, that the poor girl was seriously ill. 

I then wrote her the letter which she answered in the way you know; I received it at Toulon. 

I started at once, and you know the rest. 

Now you have only to read a few sheets which Julie Duprat gave me; they are the best commentary on what I have just told you. 

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