19.2 無真愛, 才著靠虛花

19.2 Bô chin-ài, chiah tio̍h khò hi-hoa

"Sī án-chóaⁿ?"

"In-ūi, góa ê koai gín-á, góa m̄-chún lí tùi góa ê ài hō͘ lí sit-khì jīm-hô chi̍t hāng sió mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Kāng-khoán, góa mā bô-ài lí tī bô-liâu a̍h khùn-jiáu ê sî ē siūⁿ kóng, lí nā kap pa̍t-ê cha-po͘ chò-hóe tō bē ū hit-khoán tāi-chì hoat-seng; soah hoán-hóe, sīm-chì kan-ta chi̍t hun-cheng ê hoán-hóe kap góa chò-hóe seng-oa̍h. Koh bô kúi-kang, lí ê bé-á, lí ê soān-chio̍h, kap lí ê moa-kin lóng ē tńg-lâi hêng lí. Lí su-iàu in, tō ná sèⁿ-miā su-iàu khong-khì. Sui-jiân hó-chhiò, góa ài lí khah hi-hoa leh, m̄-thang siuⁿ phok-sò͘."

"Án-ne kóng, lí bô koh ài góa ah."

"Lí o͘-pe̍h kóng!"

"Lí nā ài góa, tō ài hō͘ góa iōng góa ê hong-sek ài lí; nā bô, lí tō ē it-ti̍t kā góa khòaⁿ chò bô hi-hoa bē-sái-tit ê cha-bó͘, lí tō ē jīn-ûi bô hō͘ góa chîⁿ bē-sái-tit. Lí pháiⁿ-sè chiap-siū góa tùi lí ài ê chèng-bêng. Lí put-chū-kak siūⁿ-kóng, ū chi̍t-kang lí ē lī-khui góa, só͘-í lí kiaⁿ góa gî-sim, m̄-káⁿ piáu-sī lí bô su-sim. Lí bô m̄-tio̍h, góa ê pêng-iú, m̄-koh góa ū khah hó ê hi-bāng."

Marguerite siūⁿ boeh khiā khí-lâi, góa kā hû-tio̍h, kā kóng:

"Góa hi-bāng lí hēng-hok, hi-bāng lí bē bâi-oàn góa, án-ne niā-niā."

"Án-ne lán tio̍h hun-chhiú!"

"Án-chóaⁿ kóng, Marguerite, sī siáⁿ hō͘ lán hun-chhiú?" góa háu chhut-lâi.

"Sī lí, li m̄ hō͘ góa chiàu lí ê chúi-chún chiap-siū lí, soah kian-chhî iōng góa ê chiap-siū góa; lí boeh ài góa ûi-chhî kòe-khì seng-oa̍h ê hi-hoa, soah hō͘ lán tī tō-tek siōng ū hn̄g-hn̄g ê kī-lī; lí bô siong-sìn góa ê kám-chêng bô-su, ē-tàng kap lí tâng-chê chia̍h-khó͘, chò-hóe kòe hēng-hok ê seng-oa̍h, soah siūⁿ boeh pāi-tiāu lí ê ke-hóe, in-ūi lí it-ti̍t ū gû-gōng ê sêng-kiàn. Lí chin ê siūⁿ-kóng, góa ē kā lí ê ài-chêng the̍h-lâi kap bé-chhia hām soān-chio̍h pí-kàu? Lí siūⁿ-kóng, góa chin-si̍t ê hēng-hok sī óa-khò hi-hoa? Lâng tī bô chin-ài ê sî chiah tio̍h khò hi-hoa, it-tàn ū chin-ài, hi-hoa lóng sī khang. Lí boeh thè góa hêng chè, khai tiāu lí ê ke-hóe, iōng án-ne pau-chhī góa? Án-ne lí ē-tàng tòng gōa kú? Nn̄g kò goe̍h a̍h saⁿ kò goe̍h, kàu-sî chiah koh chiàu góa ê hong-sek seng-oa̍h tō bē-hù ah, in-ūi kàu-sî ōaⁿ lí tio̍h khòaⁿ góa seng-oa̍h, ū chun-giâm ê cha-po͘-lâng sī bô hoat-tō͘ chiap-siū. Bo̍k-chêng lí chi̍t nî iáu ū peh-chheng a̍h chi̍t-bān franc, hiah-ê chîⁿ tō í-keng ū-kàu lán seng-oa̍h. I ē kā góa bô su-iàu ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ bē-tiāu, kan-ta án-ne góa mā ē-tàng ū chi̍t-nî nn̄g-chheng franc ê siu-ji̍p. Lán ē-sái sòe chi̍t keng súi-súi ê sió kong-gū lâi chò-hóe tòa. Joa̍h-thiⁿ lán tō khì chng-kha, m̄-sī khì chhiūⁿ taⁿ chit-chióng chhù, kan-ta sòe ū-kàu nn̄g-lâng tòa ê chhù. Lí bián khò siáng, góa mā chū-iû chū-chāi, lán lóng iáu siàu-liân; Armand, khòaⁿ chāi Thiⁿ-kong ê bīn-chú, m̄-thang pek góa tńg-khì í-chêng ê seng-oa̍h."

Góa bô hoat-tō͘ ìn, ba̍k-sái sì-lâm-sûi, móa-móa ê kám-kek kap ài, góa phak tī Marguerite ê heng-chêng.

"Góa pún-chiâⁿ," i koh kóng, "bô-ài hō͘ lí chai, siūⁿ-boeh ka-tī lóng an-pâi hó-sè, siàu hêng chheng-chhó, kong-gū sòe hó. Kàu cha̍p goe̍h, lán tō tńg-khì Paris, it-chhè tō lóng khoán hó ah; taⁿ Prudence í-keng lóng kā lí kóng ah, lí tio̍h seng tah-èng góa, m̄-bián sū-āu chiah tah-èng góa. Lí ū hiah-nī ài góa bô?"

Chit-chióng chin-chêng sī bô khó-lêng kī-choa̍t. Góa tōa-tōa chim i ê chhiú, koh kóng:

"It-chhè iû lí an-pâi."

--

19.2 無真愛, 才著靠虛花

"是按怎?"

"因為, 我 ê 乖囡仔, 我毋准你對我 ê 愛予你失去任何一項小物件. 仝款, 我 mā 無愛你 tī 無聊抑困擾 ê 時會想講, 你 nā kap 別个查埔做伙 tō 袂有彼款代誌發生; 煞反悔, 甚至干焦一分鐘 ê 反悔 kap 我做伙生活. Koh 無幾工, 你 ê 馬仔, 你 ê 璇石, kap 你 ê 幔巾攏會轉來還你. 你需要 in, tō ná 性命需要空氣. 雖然好笑, 我愛你較虛花 leh, 毋通傷樸素."

"Án-ne 講, 你無 koh 愛我 ah."

"你烏白講!"

"你 nā 愛我, tō 愛予我用我 ê 方式愛你; nā 無, 你 tō 會一直 kā 我看做無虛花袂使得 ê 查某, 你 tō 會認為無予我錢袂使得. 你歹勢接受我對你愛 ê 證明. 你不自覺想講, 有一工你會離開我, 所以你驚我疑心, 毋敢表示你無私心. 你無毋著, 我 ê 朋友, 毋過我有較好 ê 希望."

Marguerite 想欲徛起來, 我 kā 扶著, kā 講:

"我希望你幸福, 希望你袂埋怨我, án-ne niā-niā."

"Án-ne 咱著分手!"

 "按怎講, Marguerite, 是啥予咱分手?" 我吼出來.

"是你, 你毋予我照你 ê 水準接受你, 煞堅持用我 ê 接受我; 你欲愛我維持過去生活 ê 虛花, 煞予咱 tī 道德上有遠遠 ê 距離; 你無相信我 ê 感情無私, 會當 kap 你同齊食苦, 做伙過幸福 ê 生活, 煞想欲敗掉你 ê 家伙, 因為你一直有愚戇 ê 成見. 你真 ê 想講, 我會 kā 你 ê 愛情提來 kap 馬車和璇石比較? 你想講, 我真實 ê 幸福是倚靠虛花? 人 tī 無真愛 ê 時才著靠虛花, 一旦有真愛, 虛花攏是空. 你欲替我還債, 開掉你 ê 家伙, 用 án-ne 包飼我? Án-ne 你會當擋偌久? 兩個月抑三個月, 到時才 koh 照我 ê 方式生活 tō 袂赴 ah, 因為到時換你著看我生活, 有尊嚴 ê 查埔人是無法度接受. 目前你一年猶有八千抑一萬 franc, hiah-ê 錢 tō 已經有夠咱生活. 伊會 kā 我無需要 ê 物件賣掉, 干焦 án-ne 我 mā 會當有一年兩千 franc ê 收入. 咱會使稅一間媠媠 ê 小公寓來做伙蹛. 熱天咱 tō 去庄跤, 毋是去像今這種厝, 干焦稅有夠兩人蹛 ê 厝. 你免靠 siáng, 我 mā 自由自在, 咱攏猶少年; Armand, 看在天公 ê 面子, 毋通迫我轉去以前 ê 生活."

我無法度應, 目屎四淋垂, 滿滿 ê 感激 kap 愛, 我仆 tī Marguerite ê 胸前.

"我本成," 伊 koh 講, "無愛予你知, 想欲家己攏安排好勢, 數還清楚, 公寓稅好. 到十月, 咱 tō 轉去 Paris, 一切 tō 攏款好 ah; 今 Prudence 已經攏 kā 你講 ah, 你著先答應我, 毋免事後才答應我. 你有 hiah-nī 愛我無?"

這種真情是無可能拒絕. 我大大唚伊 ê 手, koh 講:

"一切由你安排."

--

19.2

"But why?" 

"Because, my dear child, I can not allow your affection for me to deprive you of even a trinket. I too should not like you to be able, in a moment when you were bored or worried, to think that if you were living with somebody else those moments would not exist; and to repent, if only for a minute, of living with me. In a few days your horses, your diamonds, and your shawls shall be returned to you. They are as necessary to you as air is to life, and it may be absurd, but I like you better showy than simple." 

"Then you no longer love me." 

"Foolish creature!" 

"If you loved me, you would let me love you my own way; on the contrary, you persist in only seeing in me a woman to whom luxury is indispensable, and whom you think you are always obliged to pay. You are ashamed to accept the proof of my love. In spite of yourself, you think of leaving me some day, and you want to put your disinterestedness beyond risk of suspicion. You are right, my friend, but I had better hopes." 

And Marguerite made a motion to rise; I held her, and said to her:

"I want you to be happy and to have nothing to reproach me for, that is all." 

"And we are going to be separated!"

"Why, Marguerite, who can separate us?" I cried. 

"You, who will not let me take you on your own level, but insist on taking me on mine; you, who wish me to keep the luxury in the midst of which I have lived, and so keep the moral distance which separates us; you, who do not believe that my affection is sufficiently disinterested to share with me what you have, though we could live happily enough on it together, and would rather ruin yourself, because you are still bound by a foolish prejudice. Do you really think that I could compare a carriage and diamonds with your love? Do you think that my real happiness lies in the trifles that mean so much when one has nothing to love, but which become trifling indeed when one has? You will pay my debts, realize your estate, and then keep me? How long will that last? Two or three months, and then it will be too late to live the life I propose, for then you will have to take everything from me, and that is what a man of honour can not do; while now you have eight or ten thousand francs a year, on which we should be able to live. I will sell the rest of what I do not want, and with this alone I will make two thousand francs a year. We will take a nice little flat in which we can both live. In the summer we will go into the country, not to a house like this, but to a house just big enough for two people. You are independent, I am free, we are young; in heaven's name, Armand, do not drive me back into the life I had to lead once!" 

I could not answer. Tears of gratitude and love filled my eyes, and I flung myself into Marguerite's arms. 

"I wanted," she continued, "to arrange everything without telling you, pay all my debts, and take a new flat. In October we should have been back in Paris, and all would have come out; but since Prudence has told you all, you will have to agree beforehand, instead of agreeing afterward. Do you love me enough for that?" 

It was impossible to resist such devotion. I kissed her hands ardently, and said: 

"I will do whatever you wish."

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