24.3 你害我誠慘

24.3 Lí hāi góa chiâⁿ chhám

"Góa lâi ah, Armand," i kóng; "lí boeh khòaⁿ góa, góa lâi ah."

I thâu lê loeh, siang-chhiú am bīn, khai-sí khàu chhut-lâi.

Góa kiâⁿ kàu i bīn-chêng.

"Lí án-chóaⁿ lah?" góa kē-siaⁿ mn̄g i.

I tēⁿ góa ê chhiú, bô kóng-ōe, ba̍k-sái sì-lâm-sûi. Kòe kúi hun-cheng liáu, sió-khóa khah pêng-chēng liáu, i kă kóng:

"Lí hāi góa chiâⁿ chhám, Armand, góa pēng bô án-chóaⁿ tùi-put-khí lí."

"Bô tùi-put-khí góa?" góa khó͘-chhiò, hoán mn̄g i.

"Tî liáu siū-tio̍h khoân-kéng só͘ pek, góa siáⁿ to bô chò."

Góa khòaⁿ tio̍h Marguerite hit-sî ê kám-kak, góa m̄-chai lí it-seng tiong sī-m̄-sī bat keng-giām kòe, a̍h sī lí chiong-lâi ē keng-giām tio̍h.

Téng-kái i lâi khòaⁿ góa ê sî mā sī chē tī taⁿ i chē hit ê só͘-chāi; bô-kāng ê chí-sī, taⁿ i sī pa̍t-lâng ê chêng-hū, i ê chhùi-tûn í-keng hō͘ pa̍t-lâng chim-kòe, góa kìm-put-chū koh kā góa ê chhùi tu hiòng i ê, góa kám-kak góa iáu sī hiah-nī ài chit ê cha-bó͘, sīm-chì pí í-chêng koh khah ài i.

M̄-koh góa bô hoat-tō͘ kap i kóng-khí góa kiò i lâi chia ê lí-iû. Marguerite tong-jiân chai-iáⁿ che, só͘-í i koh kóng:

"Góa lâi chia kiáu-jiáu lí, Armand, in-ūi góa ū nn̄g-hāng tāi-chì kiû lí: goân-liōng góa cha-hng kā Olympe Sc kóng ê ōe, khó-liân góa, mài koh chò lí khó-lêng siūⁿ boeh tùi góa chò ê tāi-chì. M̄-koán lí sī-m̄-sī kò͘-ì, chū lí tńg-lâi, lí hō͘ góa chin chē thòng-khó͘, che taⁿ góa í-keng liân sì-hun-chi-it mā bô hoat-tō͘ koh sêng-siū ah. Lí ē tông-chêng góa, sī bô? Lí chai, chi̍t ê m̄-sī bô sim-koaⁿ ê lâng, ū khah ko-sióng ê tāi-chì thang chò, bē lâi pò-ho̍k chi̍t ê ná góa chit-chióng phòa-pēⁿ koh siong-sim ê cha-bó͘. Lí khòaⁿ, khan góa ê chhiú, góa teh hoat-sio. Góa khí-chhn̂g lâi chia khòaⁿ lí, kiû lí, m̄-sī kiû lí ê iú-gī, sī kiû lí kā góa pàng tiāu."

Góa khan-khí Marguerite ê chhiú. He sio thǹg-thǹg, chit ê khó-liân ê cha-bo͘ chhēng phôe-chháu tōa-i iáu teh khū-khū chùn.

Góa kā i chē tio̍h ê kau-í sak khah óa piah-lô͘.

"Lí siūⁿ-kóng, góa tō lóng bē kan-khó͘ sioh?" góa kóng. "Hit-àm, tī chng-kha tán bô lí, góa koh lâi Paris chhōe lí, siáⁿ to bô chhōe tio̍h, kan-ta hit tiuⁿ phe, he hō͘ góa kiông boeh khí-siáu. Góa hiah-nī ài lí, lí ná ē-sái khi-phiàn góa ah, Marguerite?"

"Lán mài koh kóng che, Armand; góa m̄-sī boeh lâi kóng che. Góa hi-bāng lán sio-kìⁿ mài ká-ná oan-siû-lâng, góa siūⁿ boeh koh khan lí ê chhiú. Taⁿ lí ū chêng-hū ah; i siàu-liân, súi, ta̍k-ê lóng kóng lí chin ài i. Chiok lín hēng-hok, pàng bē-kì góa."

"A̍h lí neh, lí it-tēng mā chin hēng-hok?"

"Góa ê bīn kám sī khoài-lo̍k ê bīn, Armand? M̄-thang thí-chhiò góa ê put-hēng, lí pí jīm-hô lâng lóng khah chai góa thòng-khó͘ ê goân-in kap thêng-tō͘."

"Lí nā put-hēng, boeh kái-piàn chit ê put-hēng, mā sī ài khò lí ka-tī."

"M̄-sī, góa ê pêng-iú; góa ê ì-chì bô hoat-tō͘ kái-piàn khoân-kéng. Góa sūn-chiông, m̄-sī ūi-tio̍h thàn-chia̍h ê pún-sèng, sī ūi-tio̍h giâm-siok ê su-iàu, che ū-chi̍t-kang lí ē lí-kái, kàu-sî lí tō ē goân-liōng góa."

"Sī án-chóaⁿ lí m̄ taⁿ tō kă kóng?"

"In-ūi kóng liáu mā bô hoat-tō͘ hō͘ lán koh kiat-ha̍p, hoān-sè ē hō͘ lí kap hiah-ê lí bô eng-kai hun-khui ê lâng hun-khui."

"Lí sī teh kóng siáng?"

"Góa bē-tàng kóng."

"Án-ne, lí sī kóng pe̍h-chha̍t."

Marguerite khiā khí-lâi, kiâⁿ hiòng mn̂g. Khòaⁿ tio̍h chit ê tiām-tiām, kui-bīn iu-chhiû ê cha-bó͘, góa bô khó-lêng bē kám-tōng, góa tī sim-lāi pí-kàu chit ê pe̍h-bīn, thî-khàu ê cha-bo͘ kap hit ê tī Comique Kiok-tiûⁿ chok-lōng góa ê siáu-pô.

"Lí bē-sái tńg-khì," góa cha̍h tī mn̂g-kháu, kóng.

"Sī án-chóaⁿ?"

In-ūi, m̄-koán lí tùi góa chò siáⁿ, góa iáu sī ài lí, góa ài lí lâu lo̍h-lâi."

"Hó thang bîn-á-chài kóaⁿ góa cháu? M̄; bô khó-lêng. Lán ê iân-hūn í-keng bô lah; m̄-bián siūⁿ boeh ho̍k-ha̍p. Hoān-sè lí ē khòaⁿ góa bô, taⁿ lí chí-sī chheh góa."

"Bē, Marguerite," góa kiò chhut-lâi, ná kám-kak tú-tio̍h chit ê cha-bó͘, góa ê io̍k-bōng lóng chhéⁿ khí-lâi. "Bē, góa ē pàng bē-kì it-chhè, lán ē chin khoài-lo̍k, tō ná lán kòe-óng iok-sok ê án-ne."

Marguerite iô-thâu, kóng:

"Án-ne góa m̄-tō sī lí ê lô͘-lē, lí ê káu? Chāi lí lah, góa hō͘ lí, góa sī lí ê."

Kā tōa-i kap bō-á thǹg lo̍h, i kā in phiaⁿ tī phòng-í, khai-sí thǹg saⁿ-á thâu-chêng ê liú-á, koh in-ūi i ê pēⁿ ê hoán-èng sī hoeh chhèng khì thâu-khak, hō͘ i khùi chhoán bē kòe-lâi. sòa-lo̍h sī chi̍t chūn ka-sàu.

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24.3 你害我誠慘

"我來 ah, Armand," 伊講; "你欲看我, 我來 ah."

伊頭 lê loeh, 雙手掩面, 開始哭出來.

我行到伊面前.

"你按怎 lah?" 我低聲問伊.

伊捏我 ê 手, 無講話, 目屎四淋垂. 過幾分鐘了, 小可較平靜了, 伊 kă 講:

"你害我誠慘, Armand, 我並無按怎對不起你."

"無對不起我?" 我苦笑, 反問伊.

"除了受著環境所迫, 我啥 to 無做."

我看著 Marguerite 彼時 ê 感覺, 我毋知你一生中是毋是 bat 經驗過, 抑是你將來會經驗著.

頂改伊來看我 ê 時 mā 是坐 tī 今伊坐彼个所在; 無仝 ê 只是, 今伊是別人 ê 情婦, 伊 ê 喙脣已經予別人唚過, 我禁不住 koh kā 我 ê 喙 tu 向伊 ê, 我感覺我猶是 hiah-nī 愛這个查某, 甚至比以前閣較愛伊.

毋過我無法度 kap 伊講起我叫伊來遮 ê 理由. Marguerite 當然知影這, 所以伊 koh 講:

"我來遮攪擾你, Armand, 因為我有兩項代誌求你: 原諒我昨昏 kā Olympe Sc 講 ê 話, 可憐我, 莫 koh 做你可能想欲對我做 ê 代誌. 毋管你是毋是故意, 自你轉來, 你予我真濟痛苦, 這今我已經連四分之一 mā 無法度 koh 承受 ah. 你會同情我, 是無? 你知, 一个毋是無心肝 ê 人, 有較高尚 ê 代誌通做, 袂來報復一个 ná 我這種破病 koh 傷心 ê 查某. 你看, 牽我 ê 手, 我 teh 發燒. 我起床來遮看你, 求你, 毋是求你 ê 友誼, 是求你 kā 我放掉."

我牽起 Marguerite ê 手. 彼燒燙燙, 這个可憐 ê 查某穿皮草大衣猶 teh khū-khū 顫.

我 kā 伊坐著 ê 交椅捒較倚壁爐.

"你想講, 我 tō 攏袂艱苦 sioh?" 我講. "彼暗, tī 庄跤等無你, 我 koh 來 Paris 揣你, 啥 to 無揣著, 干焦彼張批, 彼予我強欲起痟. 我 hiah-nī 愛你, 你那會使欺騙我 ah, Marguerite?"

"咱莫 koh 講這, Armand; 我毋是欲來講這. 我希望咱相見莫敢若冤仇人, 我想欲 koh 牽你 ê 手. 今你有情婦 ah; 伊少年, 媠, 逐个攏講你真愛伊. 祝恁幸福, 放袂記我."

"A̍h 你 neh, 你一定 mā 真幸福?"

"我 ê 面敢是快樂 ê 面, Armand? 毋通恥笑我 ê 不幸, 你比任何人攏較知我痛苦 ê 原因 kap 程度."

"你 nā 不幸, 欲改變這个不幸, mā 是愛靠你家己."

"毋是, 我 ê 朋友; 我 ê 意志無法度改變環境. 我順從, 毋是為著趁食 ê 本性, 是為著嚴肅 ê 需要, 這有一工你會理解, 到時你 tō 會原諒我."

"是按怎你毋今 tō kă 講?"

"因為講了 mā 無法度予咱 koh 結合, 凡勢會予你 kap hiah-ê 你無應該分開 ê 人分開."

"你是 teh 講 siáng?"

"我袂當講."

"Án-ne, 你是講白賊."

Marguerite 徛起來, 行向門. 看著這个恬恬, 規面憂愁 ê 查某, 我無可能袂感動, 我 tī 心內比較這个白面, 啼哭 ê 查某 kap 彼个 tī Comique 劇場作弄我 ê 痟婆.

"你袂使轉去," 我閘 tī 門口, 講.

"是按怎?"

因為, 毋管你對我做啥, 我猶是愛你, 我愛你留落來."

"好通明仔載趕我走? 毋; 無可能. 咱 ê 緣份已經無 lah; 毋免想欲復合. 凡勢你會看我無, 今你只是慼我."

"袂, Marguerite," 我叫出來, ná 感覺拄著這个查某, 我 ê 慾望攏醒起來. "袂, 我會放袂記一切, 咱會真快樂, tō ná 咱過往約束 ê án-ne."

Marguerite 搖頭, 講:

"Án-ne 我毋 tō 是你 ê 奴隸, 你 ê 狗? 在你 lah, 我予你, 我是你 ê."

Kā 大衣 kap 帽仔褪落, 伊 kā in 抨 tī 膨椅, 開始褪衫仔頭前 ê 鈕仔, koh 因為伊 ê 病 ê 反應是血衝去頭殼, 予伊氣喘袂過來. 紲落是一陣咳嗽.

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24.3

"I am here, Armand," she said; "you wished to see me and I have come." 

And letting her head fall on her hands, she burst into tears.

I went up to her.

"What is the matter?" I said to her in a low voice. 

She pressed my hand without a word, for tears still veiled her voice. But after a few minutes, recovering herself a little, she said to me: 

"You have been very unkind to me, Armand, and I have done nothing to you." 

"Nothing?" I answered, with a bitter smile. 

"Nothing but what circumstances forced me to do."

I do not know if you have ever in your life experienced, or if you will ever experience, what I felt at the sight of Marguerite. 

The last time she had come to see me she had sat in the same place where she was now sitting; only, since then, she had been the mistress of another man, other kisses than mine had touched her lips, toward which, in spite of myself, my own reached out, and yet I felt that I loved this woman as much, more perhaps, than I had ever loved her. 

It was difficult for me to begin the conversation on the subject which brought her. Marguerite no doubt realized it, for she went on: 

"I have come to trouble you, Armand, for I have two things to ask: pardon for what I said yesterday to Mlle. Olympe, and pity for what you are perhaps still ready to do to me. Intentionally or not, since your return you have given me so much pain that I should be incapable now of enduring a fourth part of what I have endured till now. You will have pity on me, won't you? And you will understand that a man who is not heartless has other nobler things to do than to take his revenge upon a sick and sad woman like me. See, take my hand. I am in a fever. I left my bed to come to you, and ask, not for your friendship, but for your indifference." 

I took Marguerite's hand. It was burning, and the poor woman shivered under her fur cloak. 

I rolled the arm-chair in which she was sitting up to the fire. 

"Do you think, then, that I did not suffer," said I, "on that night when, after waiting for you in the country, I came to look for you in Paris, and found nothing but the letter which nearly drove me mad? How could you have deceived me, Marguerite, when I loved you so much?" 

"Do not speak of that, Armand; I did not come to speak of that. I wanted to see you only not an enemy, and I wanted to take your hand once more. You have a mistress; she is young, pretty, you love her they say. Be happy with her and forget me." 

"And you. You are happy, no doubt?" 

"Have I the face of a happy woman, Armand? Do not mock my sorrow, you, who know better than any one what its cause and its depth are." 

"It only depended on you not to have been unhappy at all, if you are as you say." 

"No, my friend; circumstances were stronger than my will. I obeyed, not the instincts of a light woman, as you seem to say, but a serious necessity, and reasons which you will know one day, and which will make you forgive me." 

"Why do you not tell me those reasons to-day?" 

"Because they would not bring about an impossible reunion between us, and they would separate you perhaps from those from whom you must not be separated." 

"Who do you mean?"

"I can not tell you."

"Then you are lying to me." 

Marguerite rose and went toward the door. I could not behold this silent and expressive sorrow without being touched, when I compared in my mind this pale and weeping woman with the madcap who had made fun of me at the Opera Comique. 

"You shall not go," I said, putting myself in front of the door.

"Why?"

"Because, in spite of what you have done to me, I love you always, and I want you to stay here." 

"To turn me out to-morrow? No; it is impossible. Our destinies are separate; do not try to reunite them. You will despise me perhaps, while now you can only hate me." 

"No, Marguerite," I cried, feeling all my love and all my desire reawaken at the contact of this woman. "No, I will forget everything, and we will be happy as we promised one another that we would be." 

Marguerite shook her head doubtfully, and said:

"Am I not your slave, your dog? Do with me what you will. Take me; I am yours." 

And throwing off her cloak and hat, she flung them on the sofa, and began hurriedly to undo the front of her dress, for, by one of those reactions so frequent in her malady, the blood rushed to her head and stifled her. A hard, dry cough followed. 

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