18.1 恩恩愛愛, 一直到天欲光

Tē 18 Chiong

18.1 Un-un ài-ài, it-ti̍t kàu thiⁿ boeh-kng

Goán sin seng-oa̍h ê sè-chiat sī kóng bē-liáu ê. Chú-iàu sī chi̍t liân-chhoàn ná gín-á teh chò-sńg, goán kám-kak chin chhù-bī, m̄-koh pa̍t-lâng ē jīn-ûi he bô-siáⁿ. Lí chai-iáⁿ kap cha-bó͘ loân-ài sī siáⁿ-khoán, lí mā chai-iáⁿ ji̍t-chí ē kòe liáu chin kín, àm-sî iū-koh ū put-toān ê un-un ài-ài, it-tit kàu thiⁿ boeh-kng. Lí tiāⁿ-tio̍h chai, nn̄g lâng nā hō͘-siong sìn-jīm, hō͘-siong sio-ài, sū-sū hāng-hāng tō lóng kā pàng bē-kì lah. Tî-liáu lí só͘ ài ê lâng í-gōa, kî-thaⁿ tùi lí lóng sī bô lō͘-iōng. Lán ē hiō-hóe í-chêng ná ē ūi tio̍h pa̍t-ê cha-bó͘ teh hùi-sim, lán mā kî-koài tî-liáu taⁿ khan tio̍h ê chhiú, í-chêng lán ná ē khì khan pa̍t-lâng ê chhiú. Lán ê thâu-khak bô koh su-khó, mā bô koh hoâi-liām, kán-tan kóng, bô siáⁿ ē-tàng hun-sim lán taⁿ chhim-chhim siū tio̍h khip-ín ê su-sióng. Ta̍k-kang lán lóng ē tī ài-jîn sin-siōng hoat-hiān sin ê bê-lâng ê só͘-chāi kap sin ê khoài-lo̍k. Jîn-seng put-kò sī ūi-tio̍h boán-chiok put-toān ê io̍k-bōng; lêng-hûn put-kò sī hū-chek î-chhî ài-chêng sèng-hóe ê lú-sîn.

Goán tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ tī àm-thâu-á chē tī chhù āu-piah ê chhiū-nâ, tī hia thiaⁿ àm-mê hó-thiaⁿ ê hô-hâi siaⁿ-im, sim-nih lóng teh ǹg-bāng liâm-mi nn̄g-lâng sio-siâm ti̍t-kàu thiⁿ-kng ê hēng-hok sî-khek. Ū sî-chūn, góan mā ē kui-ji̍t lóng bô khí-chhn̂g, mā bô pàng ji̍t-kng chiò ji̍p pâng-keng.

Thang-lî khiú ba̍t-ba̍t, gōa-kháu ê sè-kài chiām-sî tùi goán bô chûn-chāi. Kan-ta Nanine ē-tàng khui goán ê mn̂g, mā kan-ta sī boeh sàng mi̍h-kiāⁿ hō͘ goán chia̍h chiah ē lâi. Goán mā tī bîn-chhn̂g téng chia̍h-pn̄g, ná chia̍h ná chhiò, ná chò-sńg. Sòa--loeh, sió khùn chi̍t-ē, in-ūi it-tàn chìn-ji̍p chhim-chhim ê ài-chêng oa̍h-tāng, goán tō ná teh chhàng-chúi kāng-khoán, bô kàu boeh chhoán-khùi bô phû-chhut chúi-bīn.

Put-jî-kò, ū-sî khòaⁿ tio̍h Marguerite bīn iu-iu, sīm-chì lâu ba̍k-sái, góa kám-kak chin tio̍h-kiaⁿ; góa mn̄g i sī siáⁿ in-toaⁿ, i án-ne ìn góa:

"Lán ê ài m̄-sī phó͘-thong ê ài, chhin-ài ê Armand. Lí án-ne ài góa, ná-chhiūⁿ góa í-chêng m̄-bat ū lâng ài kòe, che hō͘ góa chin tam-sim, ū chi̍t-kang lí nā hoán-hóe, lí nā chek-pī góa ê kòe-khì, góa tio̍h lûn-lo̍h tńg lí chiap-siū góa í-chêng ê seng-oa̍h. Siūⁿ tio̍h taⁿ góa só͘ hiáng-siū ê sin seng-oa̍h, nā tio̍h koh tńg kàu kòe-khì, góa lêng-khó sí-khì. Lí kín kă kóng, lí éng-oán bē lī-khui góa!"

"Góa chiù-chōa, góa bē!"

Thiaⁿ tio̍h chiah-ê ōe, i lia̍h góa ba̍k-chiu kim-kim khòaⁿ, ká-ná boeh chai chiù-chōa ū sêng-sim bô; sûi tō óa-lâi siâm góa, thâu-khak phak tī góa heng-khám, koh kóng: "Lí kám chai góa ū gōa ài lí!"

Chi̍t àm, chē tī thang-á gōa ê lō͘-tâi, goán khòaⁿ goe̍h-niû tī têng-têng tha̍h-tha̍h ê hûn phāng, ū-sî chhut, ū-sî ji̍p, thiaⁿ chhiū-ki hō͘ hong chhoe-tāng ê sa-sa siaⁿ, goán ê siang-chhiú sio-khan, tiām-tiām chi̍t-chām sî-kan, Marguerite hut-jiân kā góa kóng:

"Kôaⁿ-thiⁿ tit-boeh lâi ah. Lán lâi chhut-kok hó bô?"

"Khì tó?"

"Khì Italia."

"Tòa-chia lí siān ah?"

"Góa kiaⁿ kôaⁿ-thiⁿ; koh-khah kiaⁿ hām lí tńg-khì Paris."

"Sī án-chóaⁿ?"

"Goân-in chin chē."

I koh kóng tī pa̍t-ūi khì, bô kóng chhut i khióng-kiaⁿ ê goân-in:

"Lí boeh chhut-kok bô? Góa kā mi̍h-kiāⁿ bē-bē leh; lán lâi-khì tòa tī gōa-kok, lóng bô kòe-khì ê hûn-jiah; bô lâng chai góa sī siáng. Lí khéng bô?"

"M̄-koán án-chóaⁿ, Marguerite, chí-iàu lí hoaⁿ-hí, lán tō lâi-khì lí-hêng," góa kóng. "M̄-koh, sī án-chóaⁿ boeh bē mi̍h-kiāⁿ, chiah-ê lí tńg-lâi iáu ē iōng tio̍h? Góa ê ke-hóe sui-jiân bô-kàu ōaⁿ lí ê hi-seng, m̄-koh góa iáu sī ū chîⁿ ū-kàu lán chò chi̍t-ê gō͘-la̍k kò goe̍h ê sóng-khoài lí-hêng, chí-iàu lí sió-khóa kám-kak hoaⁿ-hí tō ū-ta̍t ah."

"Iáu-sī mài khì hó," i kóng, lī-khui thang-á, kiâⁿ-khì chē tī pâng-keng hit-pêng ê phòng-í. "Lán ná tio̍h khai-chîⁿ chhut-kok? Tī chia, góa í-keng khai chin chē lí ê chîⁿ ah."

"Lí mē góa, Marguerite; lí bô khì-liōng."

"Pháiⁿ-sè, góa ê pêng-iú," i kóng, chhun-chhiú hō͘ góa. "Chit-chióng pháiⁿ-thiⁿ hō͘ góa lia̍h-kông; góa bô eng-kai án-ne kóng."

I kă lám chii̍t-ē, tiām-tiām chi̍t-khùn ná teh siūⁿ siáⁿ.

Chit-chióng chêng-kéng hoat-seng kúi-nā kái, sui-jiân góa chhōe bô in ê goân-in, góa iáu-sī khòaⁿ ē tio̍h Marguerite bīn-tùi bī-lâi ê put-an. I bē hoâi-gî góa tùi i ê ài, chit-ê ài chi̍t-kang pí chi̍t-kang ka-kiông, m̄-koh góa tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ khòaⁿ tio̍h i bīn iu bīn kat, lóng m̄-kóng sī siáⁿ goân-in, kan-ta ū-sî kóng sin-khu bô sóng-khoài.

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第 18 章

18.1  恩恩愛愛, 一直到天欲光

阮新生活 ê 細節是講袂了 ê. 主要是一連串 ná 囡仔 teh 做耍, 阮感覺真趣味, 毋過別人會認為彼無啥. 你知影 kap 查某戀愛是啥款, 你 mā 知影日子會過了真緊, 暗時又閣有不斷 ê 恩恩愛愛, 一直到天欲光. 你定著知, 兩人 nā 互相信任, 互相相愛, 事事項項 tō 攏 kā 放袂記 lah. 除了你所愛 ê 人以外, 其他對你攏是無路用. 咱會後悔以前那會為著別个查某 teh 費心, 咱 mā 奇怪除了今牽著 ê 手, 以前咱那會去牽別人 ê 手. 咱 ê 頭殼無 koh 思考, mā 無 koh 懷念, 簡單講, 無啥會當分心咱今深深受著吸引 ê 思想. 逐工咱攏會 tī 愛人身上發現新 ê 迷人 ê 所在 kap 新 ê 快樂. 人生不過是為著滿足不斷 ê 慾望; 靈魂不過是負責維持愛情聖火 ê 女神.

阮定定 tī 暗頭仔坐 tī 厝後壁 ê 樹林, tī 遐聽暗暝好聽 ê 和諧聲音, 心 nih 攏 teh ǹg 望 liâm-mi 兩人相尋直到天光 ê 幸福時刻. 有時陣, 阮 mā 會規日攏無起床, mā 無放日光照入房間.

窗簾搝密密, 外口 ê 世界暫時對阮無存在. 干焦 Nanine 會當開阮 ê 門, mā 干焦是欲送物件予阮食才會來. 阮 mā tī 眠床頂食飯, ná 食 ná 笑, ná 做耍. 紲 loeh, 小睏一下, 因為一旦進入深深 ê 愛情活動, 阮 tō ná teh 藏水仝款, 無到欲喘氣無浮出水面.

不而過, 有時看著 Marguerite 面憂憂, 甚至流目屎, 我感覺真著驚; 我問伊是啥因端, 伊 án-ne 應我:

"咱 ê 愛毋是普通 ê 愛, 親愛 ê Armand. 你 án-ne 愛我, 若像我以前毋 bat 有人愛過 , 這予我真擔心, 有一工你 nā 反悔, 你 nā 責備我 ê 過去, 我著淪落轉你接受我以前 ê 生活. 想著今我所享受 ê 新生活, nā 著 koh 轉到過去, 我寧可死去. 你緊 kă 講, 你永遠袂離開我!"

"我咒誓, 我袂!"

聽著 chiah-ê 話, 伊掠我目睭金金看, 敢若欲知咒誓有誠心無; 隨 tō 倚來尋我, 頭殼仆 tī 我胸坎, koh 講: "你敢知我有偌愛你!"

一暗, 坐 tī 窗仔外 ê 露台, 阮看月娘 tī 重重疊疊 ê 雲縫, 有時出, 有時入, 聽樹枝予風吹動 ê sa-sa 聲, 阮 ê 雙手相牽, 恬恬一站時間, Marguerite 忽然 kā 我講:

"寒天得欲來 ah. 咱來出國好無?"

"去佗?"

"去 Italia."

"蹛遮你僐 ah?"

"我驚寒天; 閣較驚和你轉去 Paris."

"是按怎?"

"原因真濟."

伊 koh 講 tī 別位去, 無講出伊恐驚 ê 原因:

"你欲出國無? 我 kā 物件賣賣 leh; 咱來去蹛 tī 外國, 攏無過去 ê 痕跡; 無人知我是 siáng. 你肯無?"

"毋管按怎, Marguerite, 只要你歡喜, 咱 tō 來去旅行," 我講. "毋過, 是按怎欲賣物件, chiah-ê 你轉來猶會用著? 我 ê 家伙雖然無夠換你 ê 犧牲, 毋過我猶是有錢有夠咱做一个五六個月 ê 爽快旅行, 只要你小可感覺歡喜 tō 有值 ah."

"猶是莫去好," 伊講, 離開窗仔, 行去坐 tī 房間彼爿 ê 膨椅. "咱那著開錢出國? Tī 遮, 我已經開真濟你 ê 錢 ah."

"你罵我, Marguerite; 你無器量."

"歹勢, 我 ê 朋友," 伊講, 伸手予我. "這種歹天予我掠狂; 我無應該 án-ne 講."

伊 kă 攬一下, 恬恬一睏 ná teh 想啥.

這種情境發生幾若改, 雖然我揣無 in ê 原因, 我猶是看會著 Marguerite 面對未來 ê 不安. 伊袂懷疑我對伊 ê 愛, 這个愛一工比一工加強, 毋過我定定看著伊面憂面結, 攏毋講是啥原因, 干焦有時講身軀無爽快.

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Chapter 18 

18.1

It would be difficult to give you all the details of our new life. It was made up of a series of little childish events, charming for us but insignificant to any one else. You know what it is to be in love with a woman, you know how it cuts short the days, and with what loving listlessness one drifts into the morrow. You know that forgetfulness of everything which comes of a violent confident, reciprocated love. Every being who is not the beloved one seems a useless being in creation. One regrets having cast scraps of one's heart to other women, and one can not believe in the possibility of ever pressing another hand than that which one holds between one's hands. The mind admits neither work nor remembrance; nothing, in short, which can distract it from the one thought in which it is ceaselessly absorbed. Every day one discovers in one's mistress a new charm and unknown delights. Existence itself is but the unceasing accomplishment of an unchanging desire; the soul is but the vestal charged to feed the sacred fire of love. 

We often went at night-time to sit in the little wood above the house; there we listened to the cheerful harmonies of evening, both of us thinking of the coming hours which should leave us to one another till the dawn of day. At other times we did not get up all day; we did not even let the sunlight enter our room. 

The curtains were hermetically closed, and for a moment the external world did not exist for us. Nanine alone had the right to open our door, but only to bring in our meals and even these we took without getting up, interrupting them with laughter and gaiety. To that succeeded a brief sleep, for, disappearing into the depths of our love, we were like two divers who only come to the surface to take breath. 

Nevertheless, I surprised moments of sadness, even tears, in Marguerite; I asked her the cause of her trouble, and she answered: 

"Our love is not like other loves, my Armand. You love me as if I had never belonged to another, and I tremble lest later on, repenting of your love, and accusing me of my past, you should let me fall back into that life from which you have taken me. I think that now that I have tasted of another life, I should die if I went back to the old one. Tell me that you will never leave me!" 

"I swear it!" 

At these words she looked at me as if to read in my eyes whether my oath was sincere; then flung herself into my arms, and, hiding her head in my bosom, said to me: "You don't know how much I love you!" 

One evening, seated on the balcony outside the window, we looked at the moon which seemed to rise with difficulty out of its bed of clouds, and we listened to the wind violently rustling the trees; we held each other's hands, and for a whole quarter of an hour we had not spoken, when Marguerite said to me: 

"Winter is at hand. Would you like for us to go abroad?" 

"Where?"


"To Italy."


"You are tired of here?" 

"I am afraid of the winter; I am particularly afraid of your return to Paris." 

"Why?" 

"For many reasons." 

And she went on abruptly, without giving me her reasons for fears: 

"Will you go abroad? I will sell all that I have; we will go and live there, and there will be nothing left of what I was; no one will know who I am. Will you?" 

"By all means, if you like, Marguerite, let us travel," I said. "But where is the necessity of selling things which you will be glad of when we return? I have not a large enough fortune to accept such a sacrifice; but I have enough for us to be able to travel splendidly for five or six months, if that will amuse you the least in the world." 

"After all, no," she said, leaving the window and going to sit down on the sofa at the other end of the room. "Why should we spend money abroad? I cost you enough already, here." 

"You reproach me, Marguerite; it isn't generous." 

"Forgive me, my friend," she said, giving me her hand. "This thunder weather gets on my nerves; I do not say what I intend to say." 

And after embracing me she fell into a long reverie.

Scenes of this kind often took place, and though I could not discover their cause, I could not fail to see in Marguerite signs of disquietude in regard to the future. She could not doubt my love, which increased day by day, and yet I often found her sad, without being able to get any explanation of the reason, except some physical cause. 

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