16.2 我用跋筊消磨時間

16.2 Góa iōng poa̍h-kiáu siau-mô͘ sî-kan

Góa khai-sí ùi góa sió-sió ê pún-chîⁿ lāi-té chioh-chhut gō͘-la̍k franc, iōng che khì poa̍h-kiáu. Chū-chiông kiáu-keng hông koaiⁿ-tiāu, sì-kè lóng ē-tàng poa̍h-kiáu. Í-chêng lí nā khì Frascati kiáu-keng, lí ū khó-lêng iâⁿ tōa-chîⁿ. Ta̍k-ê lóng poa̍h chîⁿ, lí nā poa̍h-su, lí ē-tàng an-ùi ka-tī kóng, pún-lâi mā-sī ū khó-lêng ē iâⁿ. Taⁿ neh, tî-liáu tī klabu su-iâⁿ iáu the̍h ē-tio̍h chîⁿ í-gōa, nā tī pa̍t-ūi, lí nā iâⁿ tōa-chîⁿ, chha-put-to ē-tàng khak-tēng ê sī, lí the̍h bē-tio̍h hit pit chîⁿ. Chin kín lí tō chai sī án-chóaⁿ ē án-ne.

Poa̍h-kiáu ê lâng, it-poaⁿ sī khai-siau tōa, iū-koh bô tōa ke-hóe thang î-chhî seng-oa̍h ê siàu-liân lâng; in poa̍h-kiáu, kiat-kó tō sī án-ne (the̍h bô chîⁿ), nā bô, in nā iâⁿ, tō iû hiah-ê su--ê thè iâⁿ--ê hù bé-á kap chêng-hū ê chîⁿ, che si̍t-chāi sī chin phái-khòaⁿ-bīn. Khiàm-siàu siá chioh-kì, tī kiáu-toh kiàn-li̍p ê iú-chêng, in-ūi sio-jiáng, chhá-nāu lâi kiat-sok, sèⁿ-miā kap bīn-chú lóng siū tio̍h siong-hāi. Chún-kóng lí sī láu-si̍t lâng, lí ē hoat-hiān, hāi lí pāi-ke ê, mā lóng sī láu-si̍t lâng, nā kóng in ū siáⁿ khoat-tiám, tō sī in-ūi in bô jī-cha̍p bān franc ê nî-kim siu-ji̍p.

Tī chia, góa tō bô boeh kóng poa̍h-kiáu chhòng-pō͘ ê lâng, a̍h-sī chi̍t-kang lán thiaⁿ tio̍h in hut-jiân sit-chong, kap āu-lâi ê pò-èng.

Góa liâu-lo̍h chit ê sòa-phah, lāu-jia̍t koh kín-tiuⁿ ê seng-oa̍h, che góa kòe-khì siūⁿ to m̄-káⁿ siūⁿ, taⁿ ūi-tio̍h ài Marguerite, piàn-chiâⁿ góa só͘ su-iàu ê pó͘-chhiong. Nā-bô, góa boeh án-chóaⁿ hó neh?

Kìⁿ-nā am̀-sî góa bô khì d'Antin Ke, nā ka-tī chi̍t ê tiàm chhù, góa it-tēng khùn bē-khì. In-ūi chia̍h-chhò͘ hō͘ góa oân-choân bē ài-khùn, hō͘ góa sim-kông hóe-to̍h; poa̍h-kiáu hō͘ góa lēng-gōa chi̍t-chióng jia̍t-chêng, ē-tàng î-choán góa ê sim-kông hóe-to̍h, an-tah góa ê sim, hō͘ góa put-ti-put-kak choan-chù tī hia, it-ti̍t kàu góa tio̍h khì kìⁿ chêng-hū ê sî-chūn. Só͘-í kóng, tī chia lí mā ē-tàng khòaⁿ tio̍h góa ê ài ū gōa siáu, góa lī-khui kiáu-toh, m̄-koán sī su a̍h iâⁿ, oân-choân bô tiû-tû, pēng-chhiáⁿ tông-chêng hiah-ê iáu lâu tī hia ê lâng, in-ūi in bē-tàng chhiūⁿ góa án-ne, tī lī-khui kiáu-toh ê sî ū hiah-nī hēng-hok ê kám-kak. Tùi tōa-pō͘-hūn ê lâng lâi kóng, poa̍h-kiáu sī chi̍t-chióng su-iàu; tùi góa lâi kóng, poa̍h-kiáu sī chi̍t thiap io̍h-che. Nā m̄-sī hiah-nī ài Marguerite, góa mā bē khì poa̍h-kiáu.

In-chhú, tī poa̍h-kiáu ê tiong-kan, góa pó-chhî siong-tong ê léng-chēng, nā su, góa kan-ta su góa su-ē-khí ê chîⁿ, nā iâⁿ, góa mā bē iâⁿ chhiau-kòe góa su-ē-khí ê chîⁿ.

Iū-koh, góa ê ūn-khì lóng chin hó, góa bô khiàm-siàu, bô poa̍h-kiáu ê sî, góa tian-tò tio̍h ài ke saⁿ-pōe ê só͘-hùi. Góa bô hoat-tō͘ mài kòe chit-chióng seng-oa̍h, in-ūi án-ne hō͘ góa ū kán-tan ê hong-hoat boán-chiok Marguerite pah-pah chióng ê piàn-hòa. Tùi i lâi kóng, i iáu sī hiah-nī ài góa, a̍h-sī kóng, koh khah ài góa.

Góa kóng kòe, tú khai-sí góa kan-ta ē-tàng tī i hia keh-mê, ùi pòaⁿ-mê kàu chá-khí la̍k tiám, koh-lâi ū-sî i ē chio góa khì i ê kio̍k-tiûⁿ pau-siuⁿ, āu-lâi i mā ē lâi goán chhù chia̍h àm-tǹg. Ū chi̍t-kang góa kàu peh tiám chiah lī-khui, koh-lâi ū chi̍t-kang, góa kàu cha̍p-jī tiám chiah lī-khui.

M̄-koh, tī Marguerite ê sim-sîn iáu-bōe choán-piàn chìn-chêng, i ê sin-thé tō í-keng ū choán-piàn ah. Góa bat kóng boeh tī-liâu i ê pēⁿ, chit ê khó-liân ê ko͘-niû khòaⁿ-chhut góa ê sim-ì, tō chin thiaⁿ-ōe, piáu-sī i tùi góa ê kám-siā. Chū án-ne, góa chin kán-tan tō kái-piàn i ê seng-oa̍h si̍p-koàn. Góa chhiáⁿ góa ê i-seng lâi khòaⁿ i, i-seng kóng, Marguerite su-iàu hó-hó hioh-khùn chēng-ióng, chiah ē hôe-ho̍k kiān-khong. Só͘-í kā i ê siau-iā kap àm-khùn kái-piàn chò kiān-khong, kui-chek ê khùn-bîn. Put-ti-put-kak, Marguerite mā í-keng si̍p-koàn chit-chióng seng-oa̍h hong-sek, mā thé-hōe tio̍h che ê hó-chhù. I khai-sí lâu tī chhù kòe hông-hun, a̍h-sī tī hó-thiⁿ ê sî, moa chi̍t tiâu ûi-kin, khàm tio̍h bīn-se, tō hām góa nn̄g-ê ná gín-á leh, sàn-pō͘ tī Champs-Elysees tōa-ke piⁿ ê àm-hun sió hāng nih. Kiâⁿ-kah i thiám tō tńg lâi, chia̍h tām-po̍h-á tiám-sim, sió tôaⁿ-khîm leh a̍h-sī tha̍k-chheh leh, chiah khì khùn; che i chìn-chêng lóng m̄-bat án-ne chò. I he ta̍k-kái góa nā thiaⁿ tio̍h lóng ē thàu-sim kan-khó͘ ê ka-sàu, chit-má mā ká-ná lóng í-keng bô--khì ah.

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16.2  我用跋筊消磨時間

我開始 ùi 我小小 ê 本錢內底借出五六 franc, 用這去跋筊. 自從筊間 hông 關掉, 四界攏會當跋筊. 以前你 nā 去 Frascati 筊間, 你有可能贏大錢. 逐个攏跋錢, 你 nā 跋輸, 你會當安慰家己講, 本來 mā 是有可能會贏. 今 neh, 除了 tī klabu 輸贏猶提會著錢以外, nā tī 別位, 你 nā 贏大錢, 差不多會當確定 ê 是, 你提袂著彼筆錢. 真緊你 tō 知是按怎會 án-ne.

跋筊 ê 人, 一般是開銷大, 又閣無大家伙通維持生活 ê 少年人; in 跋筊, 結果 tō 是 án-ne (提無錢), nā 無, in nā 贏, tō 由 hiah-ê 輸 ê 替贏 ê 付馬仔 kap 情婦 ê 錢, 這實在是真歹看面. 欠數寫借據, tī 筊桌建立 ê 友情, 因為相嚷, 吵鬧來結束, 性命 kap 面子攏受著傷害. 準講你是老實人, 你會發現, 害你敗家 ê, mā 攏是老實人, nā 講 in 有啥缺點, tō 是因為 in 無二十萬 franc ê 年金收入.

Tī 遮, 我 tō 無欲講跋筊創步 ê 人, 抑是一工咱聽著 in 忽然失蹤, kap 後來 ê 報應.

我遼落這个紲拍, 鬧熱 koh 緊張 ê 生活, 這我過去想 to 毋敢想, 今為著愛 Marguerite, 變成我所需要 ê 補充. Nā 無, 我欲按怎好 neh?

見若暗時我無去 d'Antin 街, nā 家己一个踮厝, 我一定睏袂去. 因為食醋予我完全袂愛睏, 予我心狂火著; 跋筊予我另外一種熱情, 會當移轉我 ê 心狂火著, 安搭我 ê 心, 予我不知不覺專注 tī 遐, 一直到我著去見情婦 ê 時陣. 所以講, tī 遮你 mā 會當看著我 ê 愛有偌痟, 我離開筊桌, 毋管是輸抑贏, 完全無躊躇, 並且同情 hiah-ê 猶留 tī 遐 ê 人, 因為 in 袂當像我 án-ne, tī 離開筊桌 ê 時有 hiah-nī 幸福 ê 感覺. 對大部分 ê 人來講, 跋筊是一種需要; 對我來講, 跋筊是一帖藥劑. Nā 毋是 hiah-nī 愛 Marguerite, 我 mā 袂去跋筊.

因此, tī 跋筊 ê 中間, 我保持相當 ê 冷靜, nā 輸, 我干焦輸我輸會起 ê 錢, nā 贏, 我 mā 袂贏超過我輸會起 ê 錢.

又閣, 我 ê 運氣攏真好, 我無欠數, 無跋筊 ê 時, 我顛倒著愛加三倍 ê 所費. 我無法度莫過這種生活, 因為 án-ne 予我有簡單 ê 方法滿足 Marguerite 百百種 ê 變化. 對伊來講, 伊猶是 hiah-nī 愛我, 抑是講, 閣較愛我.

我講過, 拄開始我干焦會當 tī 伊遐隔暝, ùi 半暝到早起六點, 閣來有時伊會招我去伊 ê 劇場包廂, 後來伊 mā 會來阮厝食暗頓. 有一工我到八點才離開, 閣來有一工, 我到十二點才離開.

毋過, tī Marguerite ê 心神猶未轉變進前, 伊 ê 身體 tō 已經有轉變 ah. 我 bat 講欲治療伊 ê 病, 這个可憐 ê 姑娘看出我 ê 心意, tō 真聽話, 表示伊對我 ê 感謝. 自 án-ne, 我真簡單 tō 改變伊 ê 生活習慣. 我請我 ê 醫生來看伊, 醫生講, Marguerite 需要好好歇睏靜養, 才會回復健康. 所以 kā 伊 ê 宵夜 kap 暗睏改變做健康, 規則 ê 睏眠. 不知不覺, Marguerite mā 已經習慣這種生活方式, mā 體會著這 ê 好處. 伊開始留 tī 厝過黃昏, 抑是 tī 好天 ê 時, 幔一條圍巾, 崁著面紗, tō 和我兩个 ná 囡仔 leh, 散步 tī Champs-Elysees 大街邊 ê 暗昏小巷 nih. 行甲伊忝 tō 轉來, 食淡薄仔點心, 小彈琴 leh 抑是讀冊 leh, 才去睏; 這伊進前攏毋 bat án-ne 做. 伊彼逐改我 nā 聽著攏會透心艱苦 ê 咳嗽, 這馬 mā 敢若攏已經無去 ah.

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16.2

I began by borrowing five or six thousand francs on my little capital, and with this I took to gambling. Since gambling houses were destroyed gambling goes on everywhere. Formerly, when one went to Frascati, one had the chance of making a fortune; one played against money, and if one lost, there was always the consolation of saying that one might have gained; whereas now, except in the clubs, where there is still a certain rigour in regard to payments, one is almost certain, the moment one gains a considerable sum, not to receive it. You will readily understand why. 

Gambling is only likely to be carried on by young people very much in need of money and not possessing the fortune necessary for supporting the life they lead; they gamble, then, and with this result; or else they gain, and then those who lose serve to pay for their horses and mistresses, which is very disagreeable. Debts are contracted, acquaintances begun about a green table end by quarrels in which life or honour comes to grief; and though one may be an honest man, one finds oneself ruined by very honest men, whose only defect is that they have not two hundred thousand francs a year. 

I need not tell you of those who cheat at play, and of how one hears one fine day of their hasty disappearance and tardy condemnation. 

I flung myself into this rapid, noisy, and volcanic life, which had formerly terrified me when I thought of it, and which had become for me the necessary complement of my love for Marguerite. What else could I have done? 

The nights that I did not spend in the Rue d'Antin, if I had spent them alone in my own room, I could not have slept. Jealousy would have kept me awake, and inflamed my blood and my thoughts; while gambling gave a new turn to the fever which would otherwise have preyed upon my heart, and fixed it upon a passion which laid hold on me in spite of myself, until the hour struck when I might go to my mistress. Then, and by this I knew the violence of my love, I left the table without a moment's hesitation, whether I was winning or losing, pitying those whom I left behind because they would not, like me, find their real happiness in leaving it. For the most of them, gambling was a necessity; for me, it was a remedy. Free of Marguerite, I should have been free of gambling. 

Thus, in the midst of all that, I preserved a considerable amount of self-possession; I lost only what I was able to pay, and gained only what I should have been able to lose. 

For the rest, chance was on my side. I made no debts, and I spent three times as much money as when I did not gamble. It was impossible to resist an existence which gave me an easy means of satisfying the thousand caprices of Marguerite. As for her, she continued to love me as much, or even more than ever.

As I told you, I began by being allowed to stay only from midnight to six o'clock, then I was asked sometimes to a box in the theatre, then she sometimes came to dine with me. One morning I did not go till eight, and there came a day when I did not go till twelve. 

But, sooner than the moral metamorphosis, a physical metamorphosis came about in Marguerite. I had taken her cure in hand, and the poor girl, seeing my aim, obeyed me in order to prove her gratitude. I had succeeded without effort or trouble in almost isolating her from her former habits. My doctor, whom I had made her meet, had told me that only rest and calm could preserve her health, so that in place of supper and sleepless nights, I succeeded in substituting a hygienic regime and regular sleep. In spite of herself, Marguerite got accustomed to this new existence, whose salutary effects she already realized. She began to spend some of her evenings at home, or, if the weather was fine, she wrapped herself in a shawl, put on a veil, and we went on foot, like two children, in the dim alleys of the Champs-Elysees. She would come in tired, take a light supper, and go to bed after a little music or reading, which she had never been used to do. The cough, which every time that I heard it seemed to go through my chest, had almost completely disappeared. 

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