14.2 我後悔寫彼張批

14.2 Góa hiō-hóe siá hit tiuⁿ phe

Joseph tńg-lâi ah.

"Án-chóaⁿ?" góa mn̄g i.

"Sian-siⁿ," i kóng, "hu-jîn iáu bōe khí-chhn̂g, iáu teh khùn, i nā chhíⁿ-lâi, phe tō ē kau hō͘ i, i nā ū siá hôe-phe, in ē sàng lâi."

I iáu teh khùn!

Kúi-nā kái góa kiông boeh kiò lâng khì kā phe the̍h tńg-lâi, m̄-koh góa koh án-ne siūⁿ: "Hoān-sè i í-keng khòaⁿ tio̍h phe ah, nā án-ne, tō piáu-sī góa hiō-hóe sàng phe khì."

Sî-kan lú sī chiap-kīn ká-ná i ê hôe-phe tit-boeh kàu, góa tō lú hiō-hóe góa siá hit tiuⁿ phe. Sî-cheng kòng cha̍p tiám, cha̍p-it tiám, cha̍p-jī tiám. Kàu cha̍p-jī tiám ê sî, góa kiông boeh tòng-chò siáⁿ to bô hoat-seng, chiàu-siông khì hù iok-hōe. Chòe-āu, góa siūⁿ bô pō͘ thang thiàu-chhut chit ê hóe lú sio lú kīn ê kho͘-á.

Koh-lâi, góa khai-sí siong-sìn, tō ná sim-nih teh tán mi̍h-kiāⁿ ê lâng só͘ bê-sìn ê kāng-khoán, góa nā chhut-khì chi̍t-ē, tńg-lâi ê sî tō ē chiap-tio̍h hôe-phe ah. Chū án-ne góa iōng chia̍h-tàu chò lí-iû chhut-khì.

M̄-sī chhiūⁿ góa pêng-sî lóng khì Tōa-ke oat-kak ê Foy Kapi-koán, chit-kái góa choan-kang kiâⁿ-kòe d'Antin Ke, boeh khì Palais Royal (Ông-kiong) hia. Tāi-khài nā hn̄g-hn̄g khòaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t-ê cha-bó͘, góa tō siūⁿ-kóng he sī Nanine sàng hôe-phe lâi hō͘ góa. Kiâⁿ-kòe d'Antin Ke liáu, góa bô tú tio̍h jīm-hô sàng-phe ê lâng. Góa chìn-jip tī Palais Royal ê Very chhan-thiaⁿ. Ho̍k-bū-oân phâng chia̍h ê lâi, góa chāi i khǹg, m̄-koh góa lóng bô chia̍h, ba̍k-chiu kan-ta it-ti̍t siòng sî-cheng khòaⁿ. Góa tńg-kàu chhù, siūⁿ-kóng it-tēng ē ū Marguerite kià-lâi ê phe.

Kò͘-mn̂g--ê bô chiap-tio̍h, góa khì mn̄g iōng-lâng. I kóng góa chhut-khì liáu, lóng bô lâng lâi.

Marguerite nā boeh hôe-phe, it-tēng chá tō hôe ah-lah.

Sòa lo̍h, góa koh khai-sí hoán-hóe phe nih siá ê ōe; góa pún-kai siáⁿ lóng mài kóng, án-ne tō ē ín-khí i ê chhai-gî, in-ūi tán i hoat-hiān góa bô khì hù iok-hōe, i tō ē mn̄g góa bô-khì ê in-toaⁿ, hit-sî góa chiah lâi kā kóng lí-iû. Nā án-ne, i tio̍h ài thè ka-tī piān-kái, góa só͘ ài ê tō sī khòaⁿ i án-chóaⁿ ka-tī piān-kái. Taⁿ góa bêng-pe̍k, m̄-koán i iōng siáⁿ chò lí-iû, góa lóng ē siong-sìn i, chí-iàu ē-tàng koh khòaⁿ tio̍h i, góa siáⁿ lóng goān-ì.

Lo̍h-bóe, góa khai-sí siūⁿ-kóng i ē chhin-sin lâi pài-hóng góa, m̄-koh chi̍t tiám-cheng kòe-liáu koh chi̍t tiám-cheng, i bô chhut-hiān.

Khak-si̍t Marguerite kap pa̍t-ê cha-bó͘ bô kāng, in-ūi chiap-tio̍h chhiūⁿ góa siá ê hit-chióng phe, chin chió ū-lâng ē kek tiām-tiām.

Gō͘ tiám ê sî, góa kóaⁿ khì Champs-Elysees tōa-ke. "Góa nā tú-tio̍h i," góa án-ne siūⁿ, "góa ài kek léng-léng, i tō ē siong-sìn kóng, góa í-keng bē su-liām i ah."

Tī Royale Ke oat-kak ê sî, góa khoàⁿ tio̍h i chē bé-chhia kòe. Chit-kái ê sio-tú chiah-nī tu̍t-jiân, góa bīn hoán-pe̍h, m̄-chai i kám ū hoat-hiān góa lāi-sim ê hiong-kông; góa sī hiah-nī kek-tōng, kan-ta khòaⁿ tio̍h i ê bé-chhia.

Góa bô koh kè-sio̍k hiòng Champs-Elysees tōa-ke kiâⁿ. Góa khì khòaⁿ kio̍k-tiûⁿ ê kóng-kò, in-ūi tī hia góa iáu ū ki-hōe khòaⁿ tio̍h i. Palais Royal kio̍k-tiûⁿ ū chi̍t chhut siú-ián. Marguerite tiāⁿ-tio̍h ē khì hia. Chhit-tiám ê sî góa kàu kio̍k-tiûⁿ. Pau-siuⁿ chi̍t-ê, chi̍t-ê chē moá, m̄-koh Marguerite bô tī hia. Góa lī-khui Palais Royal, chi̍t-keng, chi̍t-keng khì i chhiâng-chāi chhut-hiān ê kio̍k-tiûⁿ chhōe: Vaudeville, Varietes, Opera Comique. Lóng chhōe bô i.

Nā m̄-sī góa ê phe hō͘ i siong-sim-kah liân hì to bô-ài khòaⁿ, tō-sī i kiaⁿ ē tú-tio̍h góa, bián-tit tio̍h chò kái-soeh. Tī tōa-lō͘ téng, góa án-ne an-ùi ka-tī ê chū-chun-sim. Hiông-hiông, góa tú-tio̍h Gaston, i mn̄g góa ùi tó-ūi lâi.

"Ùi Palais Royal kio̍k-tiûⁿ lâi."

"Góa ùi Opera lâi," i kóng; "góa siūⁿ-kóng lí ē khì hia."

"Án-chóaⁿ kóng?"

"In-ūi Marguerite ū tī hia."

"Ah, i ū tī hia?"

"Sī ah."

"I ka-tī?"

"M̄-sī; i hām chi̍t-ê cha-bó͘."

"Án-ne niâ?"

"G pek-chiok ū lâi Marguerite ê pau-siong chi̍t-ē-á; m̄-koh āu-lâi Marguerite hām kong-chiok tâng-chê lī-khui. Góa siūⁿ-kóng lí ē lâi, in-ūi tī góa piⁿ-á ū chi̍t ê khang-ūi, góa kiò-sī hit-ê ūi sī lí tēng ê."

--

14.2 我後悔寫彼張批

Joseph 轉來 ah.

"按怎?" 我問伊.

"先生," 伊講, "夫人猶未起床, 猶 teh 睏, 伊 nā 醒來, 批 tō 會交予伊, 伊 nā 有寫回批, in 會送來."

伊猶 teh 睏!

幾若改我強欲叫人去 kā 批提轉來, 毋過我 koh án-ne 想: "凡勢伊已經看著批 ah, nā án-ne, tō 表示我後悔送批去."

時間愈是接近敢若伊 ê 回批得欲到, 我 tō 愈後悔我寫彼張批. 時鐘摃十點, 十一點, 十二點. 到十二點 ê 時, 我強欲當做啥 to 無發生, 照常去赴約會. 最後, 我想無步通跳出這个火愈燒愈近 ê 箍仔.

閣來, 我開始相信, tō ná 心 nih teh 等物件 ê 人所迷信 ê 仝款, 我 nā 出去一下, 轉來 ê 時 tō 會接著回批 ah. 自 án-ne 我用食晝做理由出去.

毋是像我平時攏去大街斡角 ê Foy Kapi 館, 這改我專工行過 d'Antin 街, 欲去 Palais Royal (王宮) 遐. 大概 nā 遠遠看著一个查某, 我 tō 想講彼是 Nanine 送回批來予我. 行過 d'Antin 街了, 我無拄著任何送批 ê 人. 我進入 tī Palais Royal ê Very 餐廳. 服務員捀食 ê 來, 我在伊囥, 毋過我攏無食, 目睭干焦一直相時鐘看. 我轉到厝, 想講一定會有 Marguerite 寄來 ê 批.

顧門 ê 無接著, 我去問用人. 伊講我出去了, 攏無人來.

Marguerite nā 欲回批, 一定早 tō 回 ah-lah.

紲落, 我 koh 開始反悔批 nih 寫 ê 話; 我本該啥攏莫講, án-ne tō 會引起伊 ê 猜疑, 因為等伊發現我無去赴約會, 伊 tō 會問我無去 ê 因端, 彼時我才來 kā 講理由. Nā án-ne, 伊著愛替家己辯解, 我所愛 ê tō 是看伊按怎家己辯解. 今我明白, 毋管伊用啥做理由, 我攏會相信伊, 只要會當 koh 看著伊, 我啥攏願意.

落尾, 我開始想講伊會親身來拜訪我, 毋過一點鐘過了 koh 一點鐘, 伊無出現.

確實 Marguerite kap 別个查某無仝, 因為接著像我寫 ê 彼種批, 真少有人會激恬恬.

五點 ê 時, 我趕去 Champs-Elysees 大街. "我 nā 拄著伊," 我 án-ne 想, "我愛激冷冷, 伊 tō 會相信講, 我已經袂思念伊 ah."

Tī Royale 街斡角 ê 時, 我看著伊坐馬車過. 這改 ê 相拄 chiah-nī 突然, 我面反白, 毋知伊敢有發現我內心 ê 兇狂; 我是 hiah-nī 激動, 干焦看著伊 ê 馬車.

我無 koh 繼續向 Champs-Elysees 大街行. 我去看劇場 ê 廣告, 因為 tī 遐我猶有機會看著伊. Palais Royal 劇場有一齣首演. Marguerite 定著會去遐. 七點 ê 時我到劇場. 包廂一个, 一个坐滿, 毋過 Marguerite 無 tī 遐. 我離開 Palais Royal, 一間, 一間去伊常在出現 ê 劇場揣: Vaudeville, Varietes, Opera Comique. 攏揣無伊.

Nā 毋是我 ê 批予伊傷心甲連戲 to 無愛看, tō 是伊驚會拄著我, 免得著做解說. Tī 大路頂, 我 án-ne 安慰家己 ê 自尊心. 雄雄, 我拄著 Gaston, 伊問我 ùi 佗位來.

"Ùi Palais Royal 劇場來."

"我 ùi Opera 來," 伊講; "我想講你會去遐."

"按怎講?"

"因為 Marguerite 有 tī 遐."

"Ah, 伊有 tī 遐?"

"是 ah."

"伊家己?"

"毋是; 伊和一个查某."

"Án-ne niâ?"

"G 伯爵有來 Marguerite ê 包廂一下仔; 毋過後來 Marguerite 和公爵同齊離開. 我想講你會來, 因為 tī 我邊仔有一个空位, 我叫是彼个位是你訂 ê."

--

14.2

Joseph returned. 

"Well?" I said to him. 

"Sir," said he, "madame was not up, and still asleep, but as soon as she rings the letter will be taken to her, and if there is any reply it will be sent." 

She was asleep! 

Twenty times I was on the point of sending to get the letter back, but every time I said to myself: "Perhaps she will have got it already, and it would look as if I have repented of sending it." 

As the hour at which it seemed likely that she would reply came nearer, I regretted more and more that I had written. The clock struck, ten, eleven, twelve. At twelve I was on the point of keeping the appointment as if nothing had happened. In the end I could see no way out of the circle of fire which closed upon me. 

Then I began to believe, with the superstition which people have when they are waiting, that if I went out for a little while, I should find an answer when I got back. I went out under the pretext of going to lunch. 

Instead of lunching at the Cafe Foy, at the corner of the Boulevard, as I usually did, I preferred to go to the Palais Royal and so pass through the Rue d'Antin. Every time that I saw a woman at a distance, I fancied it was Nanine bringing me an answer. I passed through the Rue d'Antin without even coming across a commissionaire. I went to Very's in the Palais Royal. The waiter gave me something to eat, or rather served up to me whatever he liked, for I ate nothing. In spite of myself, my eyes were constantly fixed on the clock. I returned home, certain that I should find a letter from Marguerite. 

The porter had received nothing, but I still hoped in my servant. He had seen no one since I went out. 

If Marguerite had been going to answer me she would have answered long before. 

Then I began to regret the terms of my letter; I should have said absolutely nothing, and that would undoubtedly have aroused her suspicions, for, finding that I did not keep my appointment, she would have inquired the reason of my absence, and only then I should have given it to her. Thus, she would have had to exculpate herself, and what I wanted was for her to exculpate herself. I already realized that I should have believed whatever reasons she had given me, and anything was better than not to see her again. 

At last I began to believe that she would come to see me herself; but hour followed hour, and she did not come. 

Decidedly Marguerite was not like other women, for there are few who would have received such a letter as I had just written without answering it at all. 

At five, I hastened to the Champs-Elysees. "If I meet her," I thought, "I will put on an indifferent air, and she will be convinced that I no longer think about her." 

As I turned the corner of the Rue Royale, I saw her pass in her carriage. The meeting was so sudden that I turned pale. I do not know if she saw my emotion; as for me, I was so agitated that I saw nothing but the carriage. 

I did not go any farther in the direction of the Champs-Elysees. I looked at the advertisements of the theatres, for I had still a chance of seeing her. There was a first night at the Palais Royal. Marguerite was sure to be there. I was at the theatre by seven. The boxes filled one after another, but Marguerite was not there. I left the Palais Royal and went to all the theatres where she was most often to be seen: to the Vaudeville, the Varietes, the Opera Comique. She was nowhere. 

Either my letter had troubled her too much for her to care to go to the theatre, or she feared to come across me, and so wished to avoid an explanation. So my vanity was whispering to me on the boulevards, when I met Gaston, who asked me where I had been. 

"At the Palais Royal."

"And I at the Opera," said he; "I expected to see you there." 

"Why?"

"Because Marguerite was there."

"Ah, she was there?"

"Yes."

"Alone?"

"No; with another woman."  

"That all?" 

"The Comte de G. came to her box for an instant; but she went off with the duke. I expected to see you every moment, for there was a stall at my side which remained empty the whole evening, and I was sure you had taken it." 

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