10.4 我欲過痛快 ê 生活

10.4 Góa boeh kòe thòng-khoài ê seng-oa̍h

"Ah, bô khó-lêng. I ē kă pàng-sak, án-ne góa boeh án-chóaⁿ?"

"Lí kap pa̍t-lâng mā sī ū chit chióng hong-hiám."

"Lí ná ē chai?"

"Lí m̄-sī bēng-lēng kóng, e-àm m̄-thang pàng lâng ji̍p-lâi."

"Bô m̄-tio̍h; m̄-koh he sī kui-kí ê pêng-iú."

"Chiah àm lí kā tòng tī mn̂g gōa, khó-kiàn lí mā bô chin khòaⁿ tiōng i."

"Lí m̄-thang chek-pī góa, lóng mā sī ūi tio̍h chiap-la̍p lín, lí kap lín pêng-iú."

Bān-bān-á, góa í-keng kap Marguerite lú lâi lú kīn ah. Góa iōng siang-chhiú lám i ê io, i jiû-nńg ê sin-khu í-keng hō͘ góa phō ân-ân ah.

"Lí chai góa sī gōa-nī-á ài lí!" góa khin-siaⁿ kā i kóng.

"Chin ê?"

"Góa chiù-chōa."

"Hm, lí nā khéng chiàu góa kóng ê chò, bô kóng chi̍t kù ōe, bô ì-kiàn, bô mn̄g būn-tê, án-ne góa tō siong-sìn lí."

"Góa ē thiaⁿ lí ê ōe!"

"M̄-koh góa seng kā lí kèng-kò, góa ē chiàu góa hoaⁿ-hí ê chò, bē kā lí kóng góa seng-oa̍h ê té-sè. Góa chū-lâi tō siūⁿ boeh ū siàu-liân ài-jîn, siàu-liân koh bē chū-su, to-chêng koh bē gî-sim, kan-ta chiap-siū góa ê ài, koh bē iau-kiû to̍k-chiàm. Góa it-ti̍t bô chhōe tio̍h chit khoán lâng. Cha-po͘-lâng nā tit-tio̍h in goân-pún kú-kú tit bē tio̍h ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, tō khai-sí iau-kiû ài-jîn kā kau-tài hiān-chōng, kòe-khì, sīm-chì chiong-lâi. In nā kap cha-bó͘ se̍k liáu-āu, tō siūⁿ boeh khòng-chè i, cha-bó͘ nā lú sūn-chiông, in tō lú kâu-peⁿ. Góa taⁿ nā boeh ū sin ài-jîn, góa hi-bāng i ū saⁿ chióng phín-keh: ài sìn-jīm góa, ài thiaⁿ góa ê ōe, bē-sái se̍h-se̍h liām.

"Hm, chiah-ê góa lóng chò ē kàu."

"Í-āu chiah ē chai."

"Siáⁿ-mih sî-chūn?"

"Koh tán leh."

"Án-chóaⁿ kóng?"

"In-ūi," Marguerite kóng, ná tháu-khui góa kā siâm ê chhiú, koh ná ùi i ê âng-sek tê-hoe ê hoe-sok thiu chi̍t lúi tê-hoe, chhah tī góa ê liú-á-khang, "in-ūi lán chóng bô tī chhiam-iok hit kang tō chip-hêng ha̍p-iok."

"Án-ne, góa tang-sî ē-sái lâi khòaⁿ lí?" góa kóng, ná koh kā siâm tī góa ê heng-chêng.

"Tán chit lúi tê-hoe piàn-sek ê sî."

"I tang-sî ē piàn-sek?"

"Bîn-á-àm cha̍p-it tiám kàu cha̍p-jī tiám tiong-kan. Án-ne lí ū moá-ì bô?"

"Che kám ài koh mn̄g?"

"Siáⁿ lóng mài kā lín pêng-iú a̍h-sī Prudence kóng, mā lóng mài hō͘ pa̍t-lâng chai."

"Bô būn-tê."

"Taⁿ, kă chim chi̍t-ē, lán koh tò-tńg pn̄g-thiaⁿ khì."

I tu i ê chhùi-tûn hō͘ góa, sûi-āu koh kā thâu-chang chéng-lí hó, goán tō kiâⁿ-chhut pâng-keng, i ná chhiùⁿ-koa, góa ná-chhiūⁿ chùi ah.

Bōe-kàu pn̄g-thiaⁿ chêng, i tòng-tiām chi̍t-ē, sè-siaⁿ kă kóng:

"Góa chiah-nī kín tō chiap-la̍p lí ê chêng, lí it-tēng kám-kak kî-koài. Ài góa kā lí kóng goân-in bô? Sī in-ūi," i kè-sio̍k kóng, ná khan góa ê chhiú khì i ê heng-chêng, kám-kak i ê sim-chōng phi̍h-pho̍k thiàu; "in-ūi góa bē-tàng chhiūⁿ pa̍t-lâng hiah tn̂g-miā, só͘-í góa boeh kòe khah thòng-khoài ê seng-oa̍h."

"M̄-thang kă kóng che, góa pài-thok lí."

"Oh, lí hòng-sim lah," i ná chhiò koh kóng; "Sui-bóng góa koh oa̍h bô kú, góa oa̍h tio̍h ê sî-kan ē pí lí ài góa ê sî-kan khah tn̂g!"

I koh ná chhiùⁿ-koa, ná kiâⁿ-ji̍p pn̄g-thiaⁿ.

"Nanine cháu tó khì?" i khòaⁿ tio̍h kan-ta Gaston kap Prudence, tō mn̄g.

 "I tī lí ê pâng-keng tuh-ku, tán boeh ho̍k-sāi lí chiūⁿ-chhn̂g," Prudence kā ìn.

"Khó-liân lah, góa hāi i thiám--sí! Hó lah, sian-siⁿ ah, lín ē-sái tńg-khì ah."

Kòe cha̍p hun-cheng, Gaston hām góa kò-sî chhut-lâi, Marguerite hām góa at-chhiú kóng chài-kiàn. Prudence iáu lâu tī hia.

"Eh," kiâⁿ kàu ke-lō͘ ê sî, Gaston mn̄g góa, "lí khòaⁿ, Marguerite án-chóaⁿ?"

"I ná sian-lú leh, góa ài i ài-kah boeh khí-siáu lah."

"Góa chá tō án-ne siūⁿ ah; lí ū kā piáu-sī bô?"

"Ū ah."

"I kám ū kóng i siong-sìn lí ê ōe?"

"Bô kóng."

"I kap Prudence bô kāng."

"Prudence ū tah-èng lí sioh?"

"Put-chí tah-èng, góa ê hiaⁿ-tī. Chhian siūⁿ bē kàu, i iáu-koh chin gâu pìⁿ-koài leh, i sī lāu iû-tiâu!"

--

10.4 我欲過痛快 ê 生活

"Ah, 無可能. 伊會 kă 放捒, án-ne 我欲按怎?"

"你 kap 別人 mā 是有這種風險."

"你那會知?"

"你毋是命令講, 下暗毋通放人入來."

"無毋著; 毋過彼是規矩 ê 朋友."

"Chiah 暗你 kā 擋 tī 門外, 可見你 mā 無真看重伊."

"你毋通責備我, 攏 mā 是為著接納恁, 你 kap 恁朋友."

慢慢仔, 我已經 kap Marguerite 愈來愈近 ah. 我用雙手攬伊 ê 腰, 伊柔軟 ê 身軀已經予我抱 ân-ân ah.

"你知我是偌 nī 仔愛你!" 我輕聲 kā 伊講.

"真 ê?"

"我咒誓."

"Hm, 你 nā 肯照我講 ê 做, 無講一句話, 無意見, 無問問題, án-ne 我 tō 相信你."

"我會聽你 ê 話!"

"毋過我先 kā 你警告, 我會照我歡喜 ê 做, 袂 kā 你講我生活 ê 底細. 我自來 tō 想欲有少年愛人, 少年 koh 袂自私, 多情 koh 袂疑心, 干焦接受我 ê 愛, koh 袂要求獨佔. 我一直無揣著這款人. 查埔人 nā 得著 in 原本久久得袂著 ê 物件, tō 開始要求愛人 kā 交代現狀, 過去, 甚至將來. In nā kap 查某熟了後, tō 想欲控制伊, 查某 nā 愈順從, in tō 愈 kâu-peⁿ . 我今 nā 欲有新愛人, 我希望伊有三種品格: 愛信任我, 愛聽我 ê 話, 袂使 se̍h-se̍h 念.

"Hm, chiah-ê 我攏做會到."

"以後才會知."

"啥物時陣?"

"Koh 等 leh."

"按怎講?"

"因為," Marguerite 講, ná tháu 開我 kā siâm ê 手, koh ná ùi 伊 ê 紅色茶花 ê 花束抽一蕊茶花, 插 tī 我 ê 鈕仔空, "因為咱總無 tī 簽約彼工 tō 執行合約."

"Án-ne, 我當時會使來看你?" 我講, ná koh kā siâm tī 我 ê 胸前.

"等這蕊茶花變色 ê 時."

"伊當時會變色?"

"明仔暗十一點到十二點中間. Án-ne 你有滿意無?"

"這敢愛 koh 問?"

"啥攏莫 kā 恁朋友抑是 Prudence 講, mā 攏莫予別人知."

"無問題."

"今, ka̋ 唚一下, 咱 koh 倒轉飯廳去."

伊 tu 伊 ê 喙脣予我, 隨後 koh kā 頭鬃整理好, 阮 tō 行出房間, 伊 ná 唱歌, 我若像醉 ah.

袂到飯廳前, 伊擋恬一下, 細聲 ka̋ 講:

"我 chiah-nī 緊 tō 接納你 ê 情, 你一定感覺奇怪. 愛我 kā 你講原因無? 是因為," 伊繼續講, ná 牽我 ê 手去伊 ê 胸前, 感覺伊 ê 心臟 phi̍h-pho̍k 跳; "因為我袂當像別人 hiah 長命, 所以我欲過較痛快 ê 生活."

"毋通 kă 講這, 我拜託你."

"Oh, 你放心 lah," 伊 ná 笑 koh 講; "雖罔我 koh 活無久, 我活著 ê 時間會比你愛我 ê 時間較長!"

伊 koh ná 唱歌, ná 行入飯廳.

"Nanine 走佗去?" 伊看著干焦 Gaston kap Prudence, tō 問.

 "伊 tī 你 ê 房間 tuh-ku, 等欲服侍你上床," Prudence kā 應.

"可憐 lah, 我害伊忝死! 好 lah, 先生 ah, 恁會使轉去 ah."

過十分鐘, Gaston 和我告辭出來, Marguerite 和我握手講再見. Prudence 猶留 tī 遐.

"Eh," 行到街路 ê 時, Gaston 問我, "你看, Marguerite 按怎?"

"伊 ná 仙女 leh, 我愛伊愛甲欲起痟 lah."

"我早 tō án-ne 想 ah; 你有 kā 表示無?"

"有 ah."

"伊敢有講伊相信你 ê 話?"

"無講."

"伊 kap Prudence 無仝."

"Prudence 有答應你 sioh?"

"不只答應, 我 ê 兄弟. 千想袂到, 伊猶閣真 gâu 變怪 leh, 伊是老油條!"

--

10.4

"Ah, no, he would leave me, and what would become of me?" 

"You risk that for some one else." 

"How do you know?" 

"By the order you gave not to admit any one to-night." 

"It is true; but that is a serious friend." 

"For whom you care nothing, as you have shut your door against him at such an hour."


"It is not for you to reproach me, since it was in order to receive you, you and your friend." 

Little by little I had drawn nearer to Marguerite. I had put my arms about her waist, and I felt her supple body weigh lightly on my clasped hands. 

"If you knew how much I love you!" I said in a low voice. 

"Really true?" 

"I swear it." 

"Well, if you will promise to do everything I tell you, without a word, without an opinion, without a question, perhaps I will say yes." 

"I will do everything that you wish!" 

"But I forewarn you I must be free to do as I please, without giving you the slightest details what I do. I have long wished for a young lover, who should be young and not self-willed, loving without distrust, loved without claiming the right to it. I have never found one. Men, instead of being satisfied in obtaining for a long time what they scarcely hoped to obtain once, exact from their mistresses a full account of the present, the past, and even the future. As they get accustomed to her, they want to rule her, and the more one gives them the more exacting they become. If I decide now on taking a new lover, he must have three very rare qualities: he must be confiding, submissive, and discreet." 

"Well, I will be all that you wish." 

"We shall see."

"When shall we see?"

"Later on." 

"Why?" 

"Because," said Marguerite, releasing herself from my arms, and, taking from a great bunch of red camellias a single camellia, she placed it in my buttonhole, "because one can not always carry out agreements the day they are signed." 

"And when shall I see you again?" I said, clasping her in my arms. 

"When this camellia changes colour."


"When will it change colour?"


"To-morrow night between eleven and twelve. Are you satisfied?" 

"Need you ask me?" 

"Not a word of this either to your friend or to Prudence, or to anybody whatever." 

"I promise." 

"Now, kiss me, and we will go back to the dining-room." 

She held up her lips to me, smoothed her hair again, and we went out of the room, she singing, and I almost beside myself. 

In the next room she stopped for a moment and said to me in a low voice: 

"It must seem strange to you that I am ready to take you at a moment's notice. Shall I tell you why? It is," she continued, taking my hand and placing it against her heart so that I could feel how rapidly and violently it palpitated; "it is because I shall not live as long as others, and I have promised myself to live more quickly." 

"Don't speak to me like that, I entreat you." 

"Oh, make yourself easy," she continued, laughing; "however short a time I have to live, I shall live longer than you will love me!" 

And she went singing into the dining-room. 

"Where is Nanine?" she said, seeing Gaston and Prudence alone. 

"She is asleep in your room, waiting till you are ready to go to bed," replied Prudence. 

"Poor thing, I am killing her! And now gentlemen, it is time to go." 

Ten minutes after, Gaston and I left the house. Marguerite shook hands with me and said good- bye. Prudence remained behind. 

"Well," said Gaston, when we were in the street, "what do you think of Marguerite?" 

"She is an angel, and I am madly in love with her." 

"So I guessed; did you tell her so?" 

"Yes."

"And did she promise to believe you?" 

"No." 

"She is not like Prudence." 

"Did she promise to?" 

"Better still, my dear fellow. You wouldn't think it; but she is still not half bad, poor old Duvernoy!" 

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