13.4 規暗無看著伯爵出來

13.4 Kui-àm bô khòaⁿ tio̍h pek-chiok chhut-lâi

"Lâi, góa kái-soeh hō͘ lí thiaⁿ," i ná khan góa ê siang-chhiú, iōng góa bô hoat-tō͘ kī-choa̍t ê bê-lâng bî-chhiò khòaⁿ góa, kóng, "Lí ài góa, kám bô? kám bô-ài kan-ta hām góa tī chng-kha hoaⁿ-hí kòe nn̄g-saⁿ kò goe̍h? Góa mā hoaⁿ-hí chit-chióng kan-ta nn̄g lâng ê chheng-chēng seng-oa̍h; put-tān góa hoaⁿ-hí, góa ê kiān-khong mā su-iàu án-ne. Boeh lī-khui Paris chiah tn̂g ê sî-kan, góa tio̍h seng kā tāi-chì an-pâi thò-tòng; chhiūⁿ góa chit-chiong cha-bó͘, tāi-chì chóng-sī chin ho̍k-cha̍p. Hó lah, góa í-keng siūⁿ-chhut bān-choân ê pān-hoat, pau-hâm kim-chîⁿ ê tāi-chì hām góa tùi lí ê ài; tio̍h, tùi lí ê ài, m̄-mó͘ chhiò, góa ài lí, ài-kah boeh khí-siáu ah! Taⁿ, lí soah kek ko-sióng, kóng tōa-siaⁿ ōe. Ná gín-á leh, bōe tōa-hàn ê gín-á, lí kan-ta ē-kì-tit góa ài lí tō hó, pa̍t-hāng lóng bián chhap. Án-ne, lí ū tông-ì bô?"

"Lí siūⁿ ê góa lóng tông-ì, che lí chai."

"Án-ne, tī chi̍t kò goe̍h lāi, lán tō ē kàu bó͘ chi̍t ê chng-kha, iân khe-piⁿ sàn-pō͘, lim sin-sian ê gû-leng. Góa, Marguerite, kā lí kóng chiah-ê ōe, lí sī-m̄-sī kám-kak chiâⁿ kî-koài? Góa ê pêng-iú, sū-si̍t sī án-ne: chit-chióng ká-ná ē hō͘ góa khoài-lo̍k ê Paris seng-oa̍h, góa bô kah-ì, tian-tò kám-kak ià-siān, hut-jiân-kan góa siūⁿ boeh kòe ē-tàng siūⁿ-khí gín-á sî-tāi ê pêng-chēng seng-oa̍h. Lán lóng bat chò kòe gín-á. Bián kín-tiuⁿ, góa bē kā lí kóng góa sī thè-ngó͘ kun-koaⁿ ê cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ, sī tī Saint-Denis tōa-hàn ê. Sū-si̍t góa sī chi̍t ê chng-kha ko͘-niû, la̍k nî chêng góa iáu bē-hiáu siá ka-tī ê miâ. Án-ne lí tō hòng-sim ah, sī bô? Sī án-chóaⁿ lí sī góa tē-it ê iau-chhiáⁿ lâi hun-hióng góa chit-chióng kî-thāi ê khoài-lo̍k? Che sī in-ūi góa kám-kak ē-tio̍h, lí ài góa, sī ūi-tio̍h góa, m̄-sī ūi-tio̍h lí ka-tī, kî-thaⁿ ê lâng, lóng sī kan-ta ūi-tio̍h in ka-tī niâ.

"Góa kòe-khì khah chia̍p khì chng-kha, m̄-koh lóng m̄-sī góa ka-tī chú-tōng boeh khì ê. Chit kái ê khoài-lo̍k tō ài khòaⁿ lí loh; lí m̄-thang chhòng-tī, ài hō͘ góa chin hēng-hok oh. Lí ē-sái án-ne siūⁿ: I koh oa̍h bô kú ah, che sī i tē-it kái iau-kiû góa khì chò ê kan-tan ê tāi-chì, góa nā bô tah-èng, í-āu góa tō ē hiō-hóe ah!"

I án-ne kóng, góa iáu ū siáⁿ thang kóng neh, iû-kî siūⁿ tio̍h chêng chi̍t àm nn̄g lâng ê tiⁿ-bi̍t, taⁿ koh teh tán e-àm ê tîⁿ-mî?

Chi̍t tiám-cheng í-āu, góa siâm tiâu Marguerite, chit-sî i nā kiò góa khì hoān-chōe, góa mā ē thiaⁿ i ê ōe.

Keh-kang chá-khí la̍k tiám góa lī-khui i, boeh kiâⁿ chìn-chêng góa kóng: "E-àm góa koh lâi!"

I pí kòe-khì koh khah jia̍t-lia̍t kă chim bē soah, m̄-koh bô kóng siáⁿ.

Hit-kang tiong-kan, góa siu-tio̍h chi̍t tiuⁿ phe, lāi-té án-ne siá:

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"Góa ê koai gín-á: góa bô chheng-chhái, i-seng kau-tài ài hioh-khùn. E-àm góa boeh khah chá khùn, bô boeh kìⁿ lí. M̄-koh góa ē pó͘-siông lí, bîn-á tiong-tàu cha̍p-jī tiám lâi. Góa ài lí."

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Góa ê tē-it ê siūⁿ-hoat sī: I teh phiàn góa!

Góa hia̍h-thâu lâu chhìn-kōaⁿ, che lóng sī in-ūi góa í-keng chhim-chhim ài tio̍h chit-ê cha-bó͘, chiah ē jím-bē-tiâu án-ne chhai-gî. Koh-kóng, góa kap Marguerite ká-ná ta̍k-kang lóng ē tú-tio̍h chit-khoán tāi-chì; kî-si̍t, chit-chióng tāi-chì í-chêng góa hām kî-thaⁿ ê chêng-hū mā sī chin sù-siông, chí-sī góa bô chù-ì tio̍h. Tàu-té sī siáⁿ-mih hō͘ chit ê cha-bó͘ án-ne kā góa lia̍h ân-ân neh?

Hut-jiân góa siūⁿ tio̍h, góa ū in tau ê só-sî, góa ē-sái chiàu-siông khì in tau. Án-ne góa chin kín tō ē chai sū-si̍t, nā hŏa tú tio̍h ê cha-po͘-lâng, góa ē kā khian.

Chū án-ne, góa seng khì Champs-Elysees tōa-ke, tī hia tán sì tiám-cheng. Marguerite bô lâi. Àm-sî, góa pài-hóng só͘-ū i chia̍p khì ê kio̍k-tiûⁿ. Lāi-té mā lóng bô khòaⁿ tio̍h i.

Àm-sî cha̍p-it tiám, góa lâi d'Antin Ke. In tau ê thang-á bô teng-kng. Góa chiàu-siông khiú mn̂g-lêng. Kò͘-mn̂g--ê mn̄g góa boeh chhōe siáng.

"Chhōe Gautier Sc [Sió-chiá]," góa kóng.

"I iáu bōe tńg-lâi."

"Góa khì téng-koân tán i."

"In chhù bô lâng tī lih."

Sui-jiân góa ū só-sî, góa ē-tàng ji̍p-khì, m̄-koh góa bô-ài hông kóng êng-á ōe, góa tō lī-khui. Góa bô tńg goán chhù; góa bô-boeh lī-khui chit tiâu ke, góa ê ba̍k-chiu kim-kim khòaⁿ Marguerite in tau. Chāi góa khòaⁿ lâi, iáu ū mi̍h-kiāⁿ thang hoat-hiān, siōng-bô góa ê chhai-gî ē-tàng tit-tio̍h khak-jīn.

Kàu chha-put-to pòaⁿ-mê, góa chin se̍k-sāi ê bé-chhia thêng tī 9-hō ê mn̂g-chêng. G pek-chiok lo̍h-chhia, kiò chhia lī-khui, i tō ji̍p chhù khì. Hit sî, góa hi-bāng i ē tit-tio̍h kap góa kāng-khoán ê hôe-tap tō koh oat chhut-lâi; m̄-koh it-ti̍t tán-kàu sì tiám, góa iáu bô khòaⁿ tio̍h i chhut-lâi.

Kòe-khì chit saⁿ lé-pài, góa siū chīn chiat-bôa, m̄-koh góa siūⁿ, nā hām hit-àm ê thòng-khó͘ pí khí-lâi, he lóng bô siáⁿ.

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13.4  規暗無看著伯爵出來

"來, 我解說予你聽," 伊 ná 牽我 ê 雙手, 用我無法度拒絕 ê 迷人微笑看我, 講, "你愛我, 敢無? 敢無愛干焦和我 tī 庄跤歡喜過兩三個月? 我 mā 歡喜這種干焦兩人 ê 清靜生活; 不但我歡喜, 我 ê 健康 mā 需要 án-ne. 欲離開 Paris chiah 長 ê 時間, 我著先 kā 代誌安排妥當; 像我這種查某, 代誌總是真複雜. 好 lah, 我已經想出萬全 ê 辦法, 包含金錢 ê 代誌和我對你 ê 愛; 著, 對你 ê 愛, 毋 mó͘ 笑, 我愛你, 愛甲欲起痟 ah! 今, 你煞激高尚, 講大聲話. Ná 囡仔 leh, 未大漢 ê 囡仔, 你干焦會記得我愛你 tō 好, 別項攏免插. Án-ne, 你有同意無?"

"你想 ê 我攏同意, 這你知."

"Án-ne, tī 一個月內, 咱 tō 會到某一个庄跤, 沿溪邊散步, 啉新鮮 ê 牛奶. 我, Marguerite, kā 你講 chiah-ê 話, 你是毋是感覺誠奇怪? 我 ê 朋友, 事實是 án-ne: 這種敢若會予我快樂 ê Paris 生活, 我無佮意, 顛倒感覺厭僐, 忽然間我想欲過會當想起囡仔時代 ê 平靜生活. 咱攏 bat 做過囡仔. 免緊張, 我袂 kā 你講我是退伍軍官 ê 查某囝, 是 tī Saint-Denis 大漢 ê. 事實我是一个庄跤姑娘, 六年前我猶袂曉寫家己 ê 名. Án-ne 你 tō 放心 ah, 是無? 是按怎你是我第一个邀請來分享我這種期待 ê 快樂? 這是因為我感覺會著, 你愛我, 是為著我, 毋是為著你家己, 其他 ê 人, 攏是干焦為著 in 家己 niâ.

"我過去較捷去庄跤, 毋過攏毋是我家己主動欲去 ê. 這改 ê 快樂 tō 愛看你 loh; 你毋通創治, 愛予我真幸福 oh. 你會使 án-ne 想: 伊 koh 活無久 ah, 這是伊第一改要求我去做 ê 簡單 ê 代誌, 我 nā 無答應, 以後我 tō 會後悔 ah!"

伊 án-ne 講, 我猶有啥通講 neh, 尤其想著前一暗兩人 ê 甜蜜, 今 koh teh 等下暗 ê 纏棉?

一點鐘以後, 我 siâm 牢 Marguerite, 這時伊 nā 叫我去犯罪, 我 mā 會聽伊 ê 話.

隔工早起六點我離開伊, 欲行進前我講: "下暗我 koh 來!"

伊比過去閣較熱烈 kă 唚袂煞, 毋過無講啥.

彼工中間, 我收著一張批, 內底 án-ne 寫:

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"我 ê 乖囡仔: 我無清彩, 醫生交代愛歇睏. 下暗我欲較早睏, 無欲見你. 毋過我會補償你, 明仔中晝十二點來. 我愛你."

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我 ê 第一个想法是: 伊 teh 騙我!

我額頭流凊汗, 這攏是因為我已經深深愛著這个查某, 才會忍袂牢 án-ne 猜疑. 閣講, 我 kap Marguerite 敢若逐工攏會拄著這款代誌; 其實, 這種代誌以前我和其他 ê 情婦 mā 是真四常, 只是我無注意著. 到底是啥物予這个查某 án-ne kā 我掠絚絚 neh?

忽然我想著, 我有 in 兜 ê 鎖匙, 我會使照常去 in 兜. Án-ne 我真緊 tō 會知事實, nā hőa 拄著 ê 查埔人, 我會 kā khian.

自 án-ne, 我先去 Champs-Elysees 大街, tī 遐等四點鐘. Marguerite 無來. 暗時, 我拜訪所有伊捷去 ê 劇場. 內底 mā 攏無看著伊.

暗時十一點, 我來 d'Antin 街. In 兜 ê 窗仔無燈光. 我照常搝門鈴. 顧門 ê 問我欲揣 siáng.

"揣 Gautier Sc [小姐]," 我講.

"伊猶未轉來."

"我去頂懸等伊."

"In 厝無人 tī lih."

雖然我有鎖匙, 我會當入去, 毋過我無愛 hông 講閒仔話, 我 tō 離開. 我無轉阮厝; 我無欲離開這條街, 我 ê 目睭金金看 Marguerite in 兜. 在我看來, 猶有物件通發現, 上無我 ê 猜疑會當得著確認.

到差不多半暝, 我真熟似 ê 馬車停 tī 9 號 ê 門前. G 伯爵落車, 叫車離開, 伊 tō 入厝去. 彼時, 我希望伊會得著 kap 我仝款 ê 回答 tō koh 斡出來; 毋過一直等到四點, 我猶無看著伊出來.

過去這三禮拜, 我受盡折磨, 毋過我想, nā 和彼暗 ê 痛苦比起來, 彼攏無啥.

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13.4

"Come, let us reason it out," she said, taking both my hands and looking at me with a charming smile which it was impossible to resist, "You love me, do you not? and you would gladly spend two or three months alone with me in the country? I too should be glad of this solitude a deux, and not only glad of it, but my health requires it. I can not leave Paris for such a length of time without putting my affairs in order, and the affairs of a woman like me are always in great confusion; well, I have found a way to reconcile everything, my money affairs and my love for you; yes, for you, don't laugh; I am silly enough to love you! And here you are taking lordly airs and talking big words. Child, thrice child, only remember that I love you, and don't let anything disturb you. Now, is it agreed?" 

"I agree to all you wish, as you know." 

"Then, in less than a month's time we shall be in some village, walking by the river side, and drinking milk. Does it seem strange that Marguerite Gautier should speak to you like that? The fact is, my friend, that when this Paris life, which seems to make me so happy, doesn't burn me, it wearies me, and then I have sudden aspirations toward a calmer existence which might recall my childhood. One has always had a childhood, whatever one becomes. Don't be alarmed; I am not going to tell you that I am the daughter of a colonel on half-pay, and that I was brought up at Saint-Denis. I am a poor country girl, and six years ago I could not write my own name. You are relieved, aren't you? Why is it you are the first whom I have ever asked to share the joy of this desire of mine? I suppose because I feel that you love me for myself and not for yourself, while all the others have only loved me for themselves. 

"I have often been in the country, but never as I should like to go there. I count on you for this easy happiness; do not be unkind, let me have it. Say this to yourself: 'She will never live to be old, and I should some day be sorry for not having done for her the first thing she asked of me, such an easy thing to do!'" 

What could I reply to such words, especially with the memory of a first night of love, and in the expectation of a second? 

An hour later I held Marguerite in my arms, and, if she had asked me to commit a crime, I would have obeyed her. 

At six in the morning I left her, and before leaving her I said: "Till to-night!" 

She kissed me more warmly than ever, but said nothing. 

During the day I received a note containing these words: 

"DEAR CHILD: I am not very well, and the doctor has ordered quiet. I shall go to bed early to- night and shall not see you. But, to make up, I shall expect you to-morrow at twelve. I love you." 

My first thought was: She is deceiving me! 

A cold sweat broke out on my forehead, for I already loved this woman too much not to be overwhelmed by the suspicion. And yet, I was bound to expect such a thing almost any day with Marguerite, and it had happened to me often enough with my other mistresses, without my taking much notice of it. What was the meaning of the hold which this woman had taken upon my life? 

Then it occurred to me, since I had the key, to go and see her as usual. In this way I should soon know the truth, and if I found a man there I would strike him in the face. 

Meanwhile I went to the Champs-Elysees. I waited there four hours. She did not appear. At night I went into all the theatres where she was accustomed to go. She was in none of them. 

At eleven o'clock I went to the Rue d'Antin. There was no light in Marguerite's windows. All the same, I rang. The porter asked me where I was going. 

"To Mlle. Gautier's," I said. 

"She has not come in."


"I will go up and wait for her." 

"There is no one there." 

Evidently I could get in, since I had the key, but, fearing foolish scandal, I went away. Only I did not return home; I could not leave the street, and I never took my eyes off Marguerite's house. It seemed to me that there was still something to be found out, or at least that my suspicions were about to be confirmed. 

About midnight a carriage that I knew well stopped before No. 9. The Comte de G. got down and entered the house, after sending away the carriage. For a moment I hoped that the same answer would be given to him as to me, and that I should see him come out; but at four o'clock in the morning I was still awaiting him. 

I have suffered deeply during these last three weeks, but that is nothing, I think, in comparison with what I suffered that night. 

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