12.1 無人比我今較幸福

Tē 12 Chiong

12.1 Bô lâng pí góa taⁿ khah hēng-hok

Thàu-chá gō͘ tiám, thang-á-lî tú-chiah thàu-chhut kng-sòaⁿ, Marguerite tō kă kóng, "Pháiⁿ-sè, góa ài kóaⁿ lí cháu ah; bô, bē-sái. Kong-chiok ta̍k chá-khí lóng ē lâi; i nā lâi, in ē kā kóng, góa iáu teh khùn, hoān-sè i ē it-ti̍t tán kàu góa chhíⁿ-lâi."

Góa siang-chhiú phóng Marguerite ê thâu; i sàm-khui ê thâu-chang khàm-kah kui sì-kè; góa koh kā chim chi̍t-ē, kóng:

"Tang-sî góa koh lâi khòaⁿ lí?"

"Thiaⁿ góa kóng," i kóng; "khì the̍h piah-lô͘ téng hit ki kim só-sî, khui chit ê mn̂g; só-sî hêng góa, lí tō kín cháu. Kin-á-ji̍t nih lí ē chiap-tio̍h góa ê phe kap góa ê hoan-hù, lí chai lí ài koai-koai thiaⁿ góa ê ōe."

"Tio̍h, tio̍h; m̄-koh góa ē-sái iau-kiû mi̍h-kiāⁿ bô?"

"Siáⁿ-mih?"

"Só-sî hō͘ góa chah-tio̍h."

"He góa m̄-bat kau hō͘ jīm-hô lâng."

"Hm, kau hō͘ góa lah, góa chiù-chōa góa pí pa̍t-lâng koh-khah ài lí."

"Hó lah, lí chah-tio̍h; m̄-koh chóng-sī góa ē-tàng hō͘ só-sî bô-hāu."

"Án-chóaⁿ kóng?"

"Mn̂g lāi-bīn ū mn̂g-chhòaⁿ."

"Khó-òⁿ!"

"Góa ū kiò lâng kā pak-tiāu."

"Lí ū sió-khóa ài góa bô?"

"Góa mā m̄-chai, m̄-koh koh ká-ná ū neh! Taⁿ, lí kín khì; góa iáu chin ài-khùn."

Goán koh ân-ân lám chò-hóe chi̍t khùn-á, góa chiah lī-khui.

Ke-lō͘ iáu bô lâng, kui-ê siâⁿ-chhī lóng iáu teh khùn, ke-lō͘ chhiong-móa chheng-sin ê khong-khì, kòe bô-gōa-kú chia tō ē e-e-kheh-kheh, lāu-jia̍t-kún-kún. Chit ê teh khùn ê to͘-chhī ná sī góa ê. Kòe-khì góa bat him-siān chi̍t kóa lâng ê hēng-hok, góa taⁿ siūⁿ khòaⁿ in sī siáng; m̄-koh siūⁿ bē-khí ū siáng pí góa taⁿ khah hēng-hok.

Hō͘ chi̍t ê sûn-kiat siàu-lú só͘ ài, tē-it ê kā i piáu-sī ài ê sîn-pì ò-miāu, che tong-jiân lóng sī tōa-tōa ê hēng-hok, m̄-koh che mā sī sè-kài-siōng chòe kan-tan ê tāi-chì. Tit-tio̍h bô loân-ài keng-giām ê sim, tō ná chìn-ji̍p bô siú-pī ê siâⁿ-chhī. Kàu-io̍k, kui-sio̍k, chek-jīm kap ka-têng lóng sī kian-kiông ê ūi-peng, m̄-koh chiah-ê ūi-peng sui-bóng kéng-chhéⁿ, mā ē hō͘ cha̍p-la̍k hòe ê siàu-lú só͘ khi-phiàn, tōa-chū-jiân thong-kòe i só͘ ài ê cha-po͘ kā i kóng-chhut chho͘-loân ê ōe, in-ūi khòaⁿ khí-lâi hiah sûn-kiat, soah koh-khah jia̍t-lia̍t.

Siàu-lú lú siong-sìn siān-liông, tō lú kín sit-sin, chún-nā m̄-sī sit-sin hō͘ ài-jîn, mā ē sit-sin hō͘ ài-chêng, in-ūi i khin-sìn, i tō bô le̍k-liōng, boeh tit-tio̍h i ê ài, jīm-hô chi̍t ê jī-cha̍p gō͘ hòe ê cha-po͘ lóng tit ē-tio̍h. Só͘-tì, siàu-lú lóng hông kò͘ tiâu-tiâu! M̄-koh, sì-chiu ê chhiûⁿ-á bô-kàu koân, pē-bó ê koán-kà bô-kàu giâm, sìn-ióng ê kài-lu̍t bô kian-kò͘, lóng bô hoat-tō͘ sok-pa̍k khó-ài ê sió-chiáu tī lông-á lāi, hô-hóng he sī bô hoe bô hio̍h ê lóng-á. Án-ne, in tong-jiân siūⁿ boeh khòaⁿ hông chó͘-tòng ê gōa-kháu sè-kài, in tong-jiân kám-kak he chin siâⁿ--lâng, in tong-jiân ē khì thiaⁿ lâi-chū lông-á koaiⁿ gōa-kháu kā in kóng ài-chêng pì-bi̍t ê siaⁿ-im, pēng-chhiáⁿ chiok-hok hit ki thè in kā sîn-pì ê ûi-bō͘ hian-khui chi̍t kak ê chhiú!

M̄-koh nā hō͘ kau-chè-hoe chin-sim ài tio̍h: he sī chi̍t ê liáu-put-khí ê sèng-lī. Kau-chè-hoe ê sin-khu bô lêng-hûn, sim-koaⁿ bô kám-chêng; kòe-tō͘ ê sèng-ài hō͘ in léng-tām bô-chêng. In chá tō chai lán boeh kā in kóng siáⁿ, lán boeh iōng ê pō͘-sò͘; in chá tō chhut-bē in ê ài-chêng. In ê ài sī chit-gia̍p ê ài, m̄-sī pún-lêng ê ài. In khò ka-tī ê àn-sǹg pó-hō͘, pí chhù-lú hō͘ lāu-bú kap kàu-hōe pó-hō͘ koh-khah hó. In kā hit-chióng in tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ ē chiap-siū ê, m̄-sī kim-chîⁿ bé-bē ê ài, kiò-chò lîm-sî chò-sńg, kā he tòng-chò sī siau-khián, sī hioh-chhoán, sī an-ùi, án-ne tō ná-chhiūⁿ pàng koân-lī ê lâng, pak-siah chi̍t-chheng lâng, chi̍t kái chioh jī-cha̍p franc hō͘ iau-kah boeh sí ê sàn-chhiah-lâng, bô kā the̍h lī-sit a̍h-sī pek i siá chioh-tiâu, tō siūⁿ-kóng i ê chōe-kò án-ne tō lóng té-siau ah-lah.

--

第 12 章

12.1 無人比我今較幸福

透早五點, 窗仔簾拄才透出光線, Marguerite tō kă 講, "歹勢, 我愛趕你走 ah; 無, 袂使. 公爵逐早起攏會來; 伊 nā 來, in 會 kā 講, 我猶 teh 睏, 凡勢伊會一直等到我醒來."

我雙手捧 Marguerite ê 頭; 伊 sàm 開 ê 頭鬃崁甲規四界; 我 koh kā 唚一下, 講:

"當時我 koh 來看你?"

"聽我講," 伊講; "去提壁爐頂彼支金鎖匙, 開這个門; 鎖匙還我, 你 tō 緊走. 今仔日 nih 你會接著我 ê 批 kap 我 ê 吩咐, 你知你愛乖乖聽我 ê 話."

"著, 著; 毋過我會使要求物件無?"

"啥物?"

"鎖匙予我扎著."

"彼我毋 bat 交予任何人."

"Hm, 交予我 lah, 我咒誓我比別人閣較愛你."

"好 lah, 你扎著; 毋過總是我會當予鎖匙無效."

"按怎講?"

"門內面有門閂."

"可惡!"

"我有叫人 kā 剝掉."

"你有小可愛我無?"

"我 mā 毋知, 毋過 koh 敢若有 neh! 今, 你緊去; 我猶真愛睏."

阮 koh 絚絚攬做伙一時仔, 我才離開.

街路猶無人, 規个城市攏猶 teh 睏, 街路充滿清新 ê 空氣, 過無偌久遮 tō 會挨挨 kheh-kheh, 鬧熱滾滾. 這个 teh 睏 ê 都市 ná 是我 ê. 過去我捌欣羨一寡人 ê 幸福, 我今想看 in 是 siáng; 毋過想袂起有 siáng 比我今較幸福.

予一个純潔少女所愛, 第一个 kā 伊表示愛 ê 神祕奧妙, 這當然攏是大大 ê 幸福, 毋過這 mā 是世界上最簡單 ê 代誌. 得著無戀愛經驗 ê 心, tō ná 進入無守備 ê 城市. 教育, 歸屬, 責任 kap 家庭攏是堅強 ê 衛兵, 毋過 chiah-ê 衛兵雖罔警醒, mā 會予十六歲 ê 少女所欺騙, 大自然通過伊所愛 ê 查埔 kā 伊講出初戀 ê 話, 因為看起來 hiah 純潔, 煞閣較熱烈.

少女愈相信善良, tō 愈緊失身, 準若毋是失身予愛人, mā 會失身予愛情, 因為伊輕信, 伊 tō 無力量, 欲得著伊 ê 愛, 任何一个二十五歲 ê 查埔攏得會著. 所致, 少女攏 hông 顧牢牢! 毋過, 四周 ê 牆仔無夠懸, 爸母 ê 管教無夠嚴, 信仰 ê 戒律無堅固, 攏無法度束縛可愛 ê 小鳥 tī 櫳仔內, 何況彼是無花無葉 ê 櫳仔. Án-ne, in 當然想欲看 hông 阻擋 ê 外口世界, in 當然感覺彼真唌人, in 當然會去聽來自櫳仔杆外口 kā in 講愛情祕密 ê 聲音, 並且祝福彼支替 in kā 神祕 ê 帷幕掀開一角 ê 手!

毋過 nā 予交際花真心愛著: 彼是一个了不起 ê 勝利. 交際花 ê 身軀無靈魂, 心肝無感情; 過度 ê 性愛予 in 冷淡無情. In 早 tō 知咱欲 kā in 講啥, 咱欲用 ê 步數; in 早 tō 出賣 in ê 愛情. In ê 愛是職業 ê 愛, 毋是本能 ê 愛. In 靠家己 ê 按算保護, 比處女予老母 kap 教會保護閣較好. In kā 彼種 in 定定會接受 ê, 毋是金錢買賣 ê 愛, 叫做臨時做耍, kā 彼當做是消遣, 是歇喘, 是安慰, án-ne tō 若像放懸利 ê 人, 剝削一千人, 一改借二十 franc 予 iau 甲欲死 ê 散赤人, 無 kā 提利息抑是迫伊寫借條, tō 想講伊 ê 罪過 án-ne tō 攏抵消 ah-lah.

--

Chapter 12 

12.1

At five o'clock in the morning, as the light began to appear through the curtains, Marguerite said to me: "Forgive me if I send you away; but I must. The duke comes every morning; they will tell him, when he comes, that I am asleep, and perhaps he will wait until I wake." 

I took Marguerite's head in my hands; her loosened hair streamed about her; I gave her a last kiss, saying: 

"When shall I see you again?" 

"Listen," she said; "take the little gilt key on the mantelpiece, open that door; bring me back the key and go. In the course of the day you shall have a letter, and my orders, for you know you are to obey blindly." 

"Yes; but if I should already ask for something?"

"What?"

"Let me have that key."

"What you ask is a thing I have never done for any one."

"Well, do it for me, for I swear to you that I don't love you as the others have loved you." 

"Well, keep it; but it only depends on me to make it useless to you, after all." 

"How?"

"There are bolts on the door."

"Wretch!"

"I will have them taken off."

"You love, then, a little?"

"I don't know how it is, but it seems to me as if I do! Now, go; I can't keep my eyes open." 

I held her in my arms for a few seconds and then went. 

The streets were empty, the great city was still asleep, a sweet freshness circulated in the streets that a few hours later would be filled with the noise of men. It seemed to me as if this sleeping city belonged to me; I searched my memory for the names of those whose happiness I had once envied; and I could not recall one without finding myself the happier. 

To be loved by a pure young girl, to be the first to reveal to her the strange mystery of love, is indeed a great happiness, but it is the simplest thing in the world. To take captive a heart which has had no experience of attack, is to enter an unfortified and ungarrisoned city. Education, family feeling, the sense of duty, the family, are strong sentinels, but there are no sentinels so vigilant as not to be deceived by a girl of sixteen to whom nature, by the voice of the man she loves, gives the first counsels of love, all the more ardent because they seem so pure. 

The more a girl believes in goodness, the more easily will she give way, if not to her lover, at least to love, for being without mistrust she is without force, and to win her love is a triumph that can be gained by any young man of five-and-twenty. See how young girls are watched and guarded! The walls of convents are not high enough, mothers have no locks strong enough, religion has no duties constant enough, to shut these charming birds in their cages, cages not even strewn with flowers. Then how surely must they desire the world which is hidden from them, how surely must they find it tempting, how surely must they listen to the first voice which comes to tell its secrets through their bars, and bless the hand which is the first to raise a corner of the mysterious veil! 

But to be really loved by a courtesan: that is a victory of infinitely greater difficulty. With them the body has worn out the soul, the senses have burned up the heart, dissipation has blunted the feelings. They have long known the words that we say to them, the means we use; they have sold the love that they inspire. They love by profession, and not by instinct. They are guarded better by their calculations than a virgin by her mother and her convent; and they have invented the word caprice for that unbartered love which they allow themselves from time to time, for a rest, for an excuse, for a consolation, like usurers, who cheat a thousand, and think they have bought their own redemption by once lending a sovereign to a poor devil who is dying of hunger without asking for interest or a receipt. 

--