7.4 敗家, 我 mā 欲得著伊

7.4 Pāi-ke, góa mā boeh tit-tio̍h i

"Lí sī án-chóaⁿ lah!" i ná chē lo̍h-lâi ná kóng. "Án-ne in ē siūⁿ-kóng lí sī siáu--ê."

"Góa lī-khui liáu, Marguerite kóng siáⁿ?"

"I chhiò, kóng m̄-pat khòaⁿ kòe chiah hó-sńg ê lâng. M̄-koh lí m̄-thang siūⁿ-kóng lí sit-pāi ah; tùi chit-khoán cha-bó͘ chhian-bān m̄-thang siuⁿ jīn-chin. In m̄-chai siáⁿ kiò hong-tō͘, siáⁿ kiò lé-sò͘. Tō ná-chhiūⁿ lí kā káu hiù phang-chúi, in chóng-sī kám-kak he pháiⁿ phīⁿ, tō cháu-khì kau-á nih kún-liông kā sé tiāu."

"Chóng-kóng, che kap góa ū siáⁿ tī-tāi?" góa kek gōa-gōa án-ne kóng, "góa bô-ài koh kìⁿ chit ê cha-bó͘ ah; nā kóng bōe kìⁿ i chìn-chêng góa tùi i ū hó-kám, taⁿ bat i liáu-āu, tāi-chì bô kāng ah."

"Hó lah! Chóng ū chi̍t kang góa ē khòaⁿ tio̍h lí chē tī i ê pau-siuⁿ nih, koh thiaⁿ kóng lí ūi tio̍h i ke-hóe pāi liáu-liáu. M̄-koh, lí mā tio̍h, i ê kàu-ióng bô hó; m̄-koh sī ta̍t-tit kau lâi chò chin súi ê chêng-hū."

Ka-chài, hit sî khai-bō͘ ah, goán pêng-iú tiām lo̍h-lâi. Góa bô hoat-tō͘ kóng hit kang bú-tâi téng ián siáⁿ. Góa ē kì-tit ê kan-ta sī góa put-sî gia̍h ba̍k khòaⁿ tú-chiah góa kín-kín thè-chhut ê pau-siuⁿ, kap chi̍t ê koh chi̍t ê chhut-hiān tī hia ê sin ê lâng-bīn.

Góa kin-pún bô hoat-tō͘ pàng bē-kì Marguerite. Taⁿ góa ū pa̍t-chióng ê siūⁿ-hoat. Góa ài bē kì-tit i tùi góa ê bú-jio̍k kap góa ka-tī ê chho͘-ló͘; góa hā tēng koat-sim, nā-chún pāi-ke, góa mā boeh tit-tio̍h i, chiàm tio̍h hit ê tú-chiah góa kín-kín tō hòng-khì ê só͘-chāi.

Hì iáu-bōe soah, Marguerite hām in pêng-iú tō lī-khui pau-siuⁿ. Góa khiā khí-lâi.

"Lí boeh cháu ah?" Ernest mn̄g góa.

"Tio̍h."

"Sī án-chóaⁿ?"

Hit-sî i khòaⁿ tio̍h pau-siuⁿ í-keng khang-khang.

"Kín khì, kín khì," i kóng, "chiok lí hó-ūn, bān-sū sūn-lī."

Góa kiâⁿ-chhut kio̍k-tiûⁿ.

Góa thiaⁿ tio̍h lâu-thui-keng ū saⁿ-á ê si-su siaⁿ kap kóng-ōe siaⁿ. Góa khiā piⁿ-á bô-ài hông khòaⁿ tio̍h, khòaⁿ tio̍h hit nn̄g ê cha-bó͘ kiâⁿ-kòe, tòe nn̄g ê siàu-liân--ê. Tī tōa-mn̂g chêng, ū chi̍t ê pò-bé-á kiâⁿ óa-lâi.

"Kiò chhia-hu tī Kapi-thiaⁿ tán goán," Marguerite kóng. "Goán boeh kiâⁿ-lō͘ kòe hia."

Kúi hun-cheng liáu-āu, góa ùi ke-lō͘ tī hit keng kapi-thiaⁿ ê chi̍t keng tōa pâng-keng ê thang-á khòaⁿ tio̍h Marguerite, i kā hit sok i ê tê-hoe chi̍t pān chi̍t pān thiah-khui. Hit nn̄g siàu-liân kî-tiong chi̍t ê, àⁿ tī i ê keng-thâu, tī i hīⁿ-khang-piⁿ kóng sè-siaⁿ-ōe.

Góa chìn-ji̍p hù-kīn ê Maison-d'or kapi-thiaⁿ, chē tī jī-lâu ê pâng-keng, ba̍k-chiu kim-kim it-ti̍t khòaⁿ hit ê thang-á. Pòaⁿ-mê chi̍t tiám, Marguerite hām in saⁿ ê pêng-iú peh-chiūⁿ i ê bé-chhia. Góa hoah chi̍t chiah bé-chhia tòe in kiâⁿ. I ê bé-chhia thêng tī d'Antin Ke 9-hō. Marguerite lo̍h-chhia, ka-tī chi̍t ê ji̍p-khì. Chin tú-hó i kan-ta ka-tī tńg-chhù, m̄-koh tú-tio̍h án-ne, góa mā kám-kak chin hēng-hok.

Chū án-ne í-āu, góa tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ tī hì-hn̂g a̍h-sī tī Champs-Elysees tōa-ke tú tio̍h Marguerite. I chóng-sī hoaⁿ-hoaⁿ-hí-hí, góa chóng-sī ūi i tōng-chêng.

Chòe-āu, góa liân-sòa nn̄g lé-pài bô khòaⁿ tio̍h i. Góa tú tio̍h Gaston, mn̄g i kám chai Marguerite ê hā-lo̍h.

"Khó-liân ê ko͘-niû pēⁿ-kah chin tāng," i kă kóng.

"Tàu-té sī án-chóaⁿ?"

"I ū hì-lô, koh-kóng, i ê seng-oa̍h hong-sek hō͘ hit-lō pēⁿ tī bē-hó. I í-keng tó tī bîn-chhn̂g, koh oa̍h bô kú ah."

Lâng ê sim ū-kàu koài-kî; thiaⁿ tio̍h che, góa soah kám-kak hoaⁿ-hí.

Ta̍k-kang góa khì thàm-thiaⁿ i ê pēⁿ, m̄-koh bô lâu góa ê miâ a̍h-sī miâ-chhì. Góa chai i í-keng teh ho̍k-goân, koh khì Bagneres ah.

Sî-kan lâu-kòe, sui-jiân góa bô bē-kì-tit i, i tī góa sim-lāi ê ìn-siōng bān-bān po̍h-khì. Góa sì-kè lí-hêng; kau-pôe pêng-iú, ji̍t-siông seng-oa̍h kap kang-chok chiàm-móa góa ê sim-su, ū-sî koh siūⁿ-khí hit chân tāi-chì, góa kā tòng-chò sī siàu-liân lâng ê chhóng-pōng, siūⁿ tio̍h ài-chhiò.

Koh-kóng, góa ē-tàng bē-kì-tit i mā bô siáⁿ liáu-put-khí, in-ūi góa choân-jiân bô koh khòaⁿ tio̍h Marguerite, só͘-í, ná góa tú-chiah kóng ê, tng i tī Varietes Kio̍k-tiûⁿ cháu-lông kiâⁿ-kòe góa ê sî, góa bē jīn-tit i. I ū khàm bīn-se, bô m̄-tio̍h; m̄-koh nn̄g nî chêng i mā khàm bīn-se, góa m̄-bián khòaⁿ tio̍h i ê bīn mā jīn ē chhut i: góa khò tit-kak tō ē-tàng ioh tio̍h i ah. Taⁿ lóng kāng-khoán ah, chai-iáⁿ he sī i ê sî, góa ê sim-koaⁿ khai-sí pho̍k-pho̍k thiàu; nn̄g nî bô sio-tú, chit-chióng in-ūi hun-khui chiām-chiām po̍h-khì ê kám-chêng, tī góa koh khòaⁿ tio̍h i ê hêng-iáⁿ ê sî, sûi tō ná-chhiūⁿ hóe koh hiâⁿ-to̍h ah.

--

7.4  敗家, 我 mā 欲得著伊

"你是按怎 lah!" 伊 ná 坐落來 ná 講. "Án-ne in 會想講你是痟 ê."

"我離開了, Marguerite 講啥?"

"伊笑, 講毋 bat 看過 chiah 好耍 ê 人. 毋過你毋通想講你失敗 ah; 對這款查某千萬毋通 siuⁿ 認真. In 毋知啥叫風度, 啥叫禮數. Tō ná 像你 kā 狗 hiù 芳水, in 總是感覺彼歹鼻, tō 走去溝仔 nih 滾龍 kā 洗掉."

"總講, 這 kap 我有啥底代?" 我激外外 án-ne 講, "我無愛 koh 見這个查某 ah; nā 講未見伊進前我對伊有好感, 今捌伊了後, 代誌無仝 ah."

"好 lah! 總有一工我會看著你坐 tī 伊 ê 包廂 nih, koh 聽講你為著伊家伙敗了了. 毋過, 你 mā 著, 伊 ê 教養無好; 毋過是值得交來做真媠 ê 情婦."

佳哉, 彼時開幕 ah, 阮朋友恬落來. 我無法度講彼工舞台頂演啥. 我會記得 ê 干焦是我不時攑目看拄才我緊緊退出 ê 包廂, kap 一个 koh 一个出現 tī 遐 ê 新 ê 人面.

我根本無法度放袂記 Marguerite. 今我有別種 ê 想法. 我愛袂記得伊對我 ê 侮辱 kap 我家己 ê 粗魯; 我下定決心, nā 準敗家, 我 mā 欲得著伊, 佔著彼个拄才我緊緊 tō 放棄 ê 所在.

戲猶未煞, Marguerite 和 in 朋友 tō 離開包廂. 我徛起來.

"你欲走 ah?" Ernest 問我.

"著."

"是按怎?"

彼時伊看著包廂已經空空.

"緊去, 緊去," 伊講, "祝你好運, 萬事順利."

我行出劇場.

我聽著樓梯間有衫仔 ê si-su 聲 kap 講話聲. 我徛邊仔無愛 hông 看著, 看著彼兩个查某行過, 綴兩个少年 ê. Tī 大門前, 有一个報馬仔行倚來.

"叫車夫 tī Kapi 廳等阮," Marguerite 講. "阮欲行路過遐."

幾分鐘了後, 我 ùi 街路 tī 彼間 kapi 廳 ê 一間大房間 ê 窗仔看著 Marguerite, 伊 kā 彼束伊 ê 茶花一瓣一瓣拆開. 彼兩少年其中一个, àⁿ tī 伊 ê 肩頭, tī 伊耳空邊講細聲話.

我進入附近 ê Maison-d'or kapi 廳, 坐 tī 二樓 ê 房間, 目睭金金一直看彼个窗仔. 半暝一點, Marguerite 和 in 三个朋友 peh 上伊 ê 馬車. 我喝一隻馬車綴 in 行. 伊 ê 馬車停 tī d'Antin 街 9 號. Marguerite 落車, 家己一个入去. 真拄好伊干焦家己轉厝, 毋過拄著 án-ne, 我 mā 感覺真幸福.

自 án-ne 以後, 我定定 tī 戲園抑是 tī Champs-Elysees 大街拄著 Marguerite. 伊總是歡歡喜喜, 我總是為伊動情.

最後, 我連紲兩禮拜無看著伊. 我拄著 Gaston, 問伊敢知 Marguerite ê 下落.

"可憐 ê 姑娘病甲真重," 伊 kă 講.

"到底是按怎?"

"伊有肺癆, koh 講, 伊 ê 生活方式予彼號病治袂好. 伊已經倒 tī 眠床, koh 活無久 ah."

人 ê 心有夠怪奇; 聽著這, 我煞感覺歡喜.

逐工我去探聽伊 ê 病, 毋過無留我 ê 名抑是名刺. 我知伊已經 teh 復原, koh 去 Bagneres ah.

時間流過, 雖然我無袂記得伊, 伊 tī 我心內 ê 印象慢慢薄去. 我四界旅行; 交陪朋友, 日常生活 kap 工作佔滿我 ê 心思, 有時 koh 想起彼層代誌, 我 kā 當做是少年人 ê 衝碰, 想著愛笑.

Koh 講, 我會當袂記得伊 mā 無啥了不起, 因為我全然無 koh 看著 Marguerite, 所以, ná 我拄才講 ê, 當伊 tī Varietes 劇場走廊行過我 ê 時, 我袂認得伊. 伊有崁面紗, 無毋著; 毋過兩年前伊 mā 崁面紗, 我毋免看著伊 ê 面 mā 認會出伊: 我靠直覺 tō 會當臆著伊 ah. 今攏仝款 ah, 知影彼是伊 ê 時, 我 ê 心肝開始 pho̍k-pho̍k 跳; 兩年無相拄, 這種因為分開漸漸薄去 ê 感情, tī 我 koh 看著伊 ê 形影 ê 時, 隨 tō ná 像火 koh 燃 to̍h ah.

--

7.4

"What a way you behaved!" he said, as he sat down. "They will think you are mad." 

"What did Marguerite say after I had gone?" 

"She laughed, and said she had never seen any one so funny. But don't look upon it as a lost chance; only do not do these women the honour of taking them seriously. They do not know what politeness and ceremony are. It is as if you were to offer perfumes to dogs--they would think it smelled bad, and go and roll in the gutter." 

"After all, what does it matter to me?" I said, affecting to speak in a nonchalant way. "I shall never see this woman again, and if I liked her before meeting her, it is quite different now that I know her." 

"Bah! I don't despair of seeing you one day at the back of her box, and of hearing that you are ruining yourself for her. However, you are right, she hasn't been well brought up; but she would be a charming mistress to have." 

Happily, the curtain rose and my friend was silent. I could not possibly tell you what they were acting. All that I remember is that from time to time I raised my eyes to the box I had quitted so abruptly, and that the faces of fresh visitors succeeded one another all the time. 

I was far from having given up thinking about Marguerite. Another feeling had taken possession of me. It seemed to me that I had her insult and my absurdity to wipe out; I said to myself that if I spent every penny I had, I would win her and win my right to the place I had abandoned so quickly. 

Before the performance was over Marguerite and her friend left the box. I rose from my seat. 

"Are you going?" said Ernest.


"Yes."


"Why?" 

At that moment he saw that the box was empty.


"Go, go," he said, "and good luck, or rather better luck." 

I went out. 

I heard the rustle of dresses, the sound of voices, on the staircase. I stood aside, and, without being seen, saw the two women pass me, accompanied by two young men. At the entrance to the theatre they were met by a footman. 

"Tell the coachman to wait at the door of the Cafe' Anglais," said Marguerite. "We will walk there." 

A few minutes afterward I saw Marguerite from the street at a window of one of the large rooms of the restaurant, pulling the camellias of her bouquet to pieces, one by one. One of the two men was leaning over her shoulder and whispering in her ear. 

I took up my position at the Maison-d'or, in one of the first-floor rooms, and did not lose sight of the window for an instant. At one in the morning Marguerite got into her carriage with her three friends. I took a cab and followed them. The carriage stopped at No. 9, Rue d'Antin. Marguerite got out and went in alone. It was no doubt a mere chance, but the chance filled me with delight. 

From that time forward, I often met Marguerite at the theatre or in the Champs-Elysees. Always there was the same gaiety in her, the same emotion in me.

At last a fortnight passed without my meeting her. I met Gaston and asked after her. 

"Poor girl, she is very ill," he answered. 

"What is the matter?" 

"She is consumptive, and the sort of life she leads isn't exactly the thing to cure her. She has taken to her bed; she is dying." 

The heart is a strange thing; I was almost glad at hearing it. 

Every day I went to ask after her, without leaving my name or my card. I heard she was convalescent and had gone to Bagneres. 

Time went by, the impression, if not the memory, faded gradually from my mind. I travelled; love affairs, habits, work, took the place of other thoughts, and when I recalled this adventure I looked upon it as one of those passions which one has when one is very young, and laughs at soon afterward. 

For the rest, it was no credit to me to have got the better of this recollection, for I had completely lost sight of Marguerite, and, as I told you, when she passed me in the corridor of the Varietes, I did not recognise her. She was veiled, it is true; but, veiled though she might have been two years earlier, I should not have needed to see her in order to recognise her: I should have known her intuitively. All the same, my heart began to beat when I knew that it was she; and the two years that had passed since I saw her, and what had seemed to be the results of that separation, vanished in smoke at the mere touch of her dress. 

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