1.3 為伊感覺心慒慒

1.3 Uī i kám-kak sim-cho-cho

Chi̍t kang, chit ê ko͘-niû piàn-kah chhùi-chiò ba̍k-chhiò. Tī in lāu-bú an-pâi ê kok-chióng tūi-lo̍h tiong-kan, ká-ná Sîn ū sù hō͘ i chi̍t ê hēng-hok. Tio̍h, sī-án-chóaⁿ Sîn í-keng kā i seⁿ-chò chiah nńg-chiáⁿ, bē-tàng tī i sèⁿ-miā cho-siū thòng-khó͘ hu-tam ê sî-chūn hō͘ i ū tām-po̍h an-ùi? Hit kang, i hoat-kak ka-tī tit-boeh ū gín-á ah, só͘-ū chhun tī i sin-khu ê sûn-kiat sûi tō hoaⁿ-hí kah khí-tiô. Lêng-hûn ū kî-miāu ê kià-thok ah. Louise cháu khì kā in lāu-bú pò chit ê hó siau-sit. Che sī pháiⁿ khui-chhùi ê kiàn-siàu-tāi, m̄-koh lán bô boeh kóng hong-liû ê kò͘-sū; lán kan-ta kóng sū-si̍t. Chit khoán cha-bó͘ lán chóng-sī bô seng-thiaⁿ tō kā mē, bô phòaⁿ-toàn tō kā chhiò, lán nā bô siong-sìn kóng, ài keng-siông chí-chhut in ê hi-seng, chiah-ê tāi-chì tō lóng mài kóng khah hó; chin kiàn-siàu ê sī, chit ê lāu-bú hôe-tap i kóng, in nn̄g lâng ê seng-oa̍h í-keng pháiⁿ kòe-ji̍t ah, it-tēng bô kàu saⁿ lâng iōng; seⁿ gín-á bô lō͘-iōng, chò goe̍h-lāi koh liáu sî-kan.

Tē-jī kang, ū chi̍t ê sán-pô lâi khòaⁿ Louise, lán ē-sái kóng he sī in lāu-bú ê pêng-iú, Louise tó tī bîn-chhn̂g kúi-nā kang, hó liáu pí í-chêng koh khah chheⁿ-pe̍h, koh khah hi-jio̍k.

Saⁿ kò goe̍h liáu-āu, ū chi̍t ê lâng tông-chêng i, tō siat-hoat i-tī i sim-sin ê pēⁿ; m̄-koh chêng chi̍t ê taⁿ-kek si̍t-chāi siuⁿ tōa, Louise iáu sī sí. In lāu-bú iáu oa̍h leh; seng-oa̍h án-chóaⁿ? Sîn chiah ē chai.

Góa tng-teh khòaⁿ chiah-ê gîn-chè ê se-chng iōng-phín ê sî, chit ê kò͘-sū koh hō͘ góa siūⁿ-khí, teh siūⁿ ê sî it-tēng kòe liáu chi̍t tōaⁿ sî-kan, taⁿ pâng-keng í-keng bô lâng, kan-ta góa kap khòaⁿ-kò͘ ê lâng, i khiā tī mn̂g piⁿ, chin chù-ì khòaⁿ góa, sī-m̄-sī ē thau-the̍h siáⁿ mi̍h-kiāⁿ.

Góa kiâⁿ-kàu khòaⁿ-kò͘--ê thâu-chêng, i soah kám-kak kin-tiuⁿ. "Sian-siⁿ," góa mn̄g i, "lí ē-sái kǎ kóng pún-lâi tòa chia hit ê lâng ê miâ bô?"

"Marguerite Gautier Sió-chiá."

Góa bat chit ê miâ, mā khòaⁿ kòe i.

"Siáⁿ! Marguerite Gautier í-keng sí ah?"

"Sī ah, sian-siⁿ."

"I tang-sî sí ê?"

"Ū saⁿ lé-pài ah."

"Sī án-chóaⁿ hông khòaⁿ i ê pâng-keng?"

"Chè-chú siong-sìn án-ne kè-siàu ē khah koân. Seng hông khòaⁿ chiah-ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ; in tō khah ū hèng-chhù bé."

"Án-ne kóng, i sī ū chè-bū?"

"Khiàm chiâⁿ-chē oh, sian-siⁿ."

"Bē ê chîⁿ ū-kàu hêng bô?"

"Iáu ū chhun."

"Chhun--ê hō͘ siáng?"

"In ka-cho̍k."

"I ū ka-cho̍k?"

"Khòaⁿ sī án-ne."

"To-siā." khòaⁿ-kò͘--ê chai góa ê ì-hiòng, bong bō-á kiâⁿ-lé, góa chū án-ne chhut-lâi.

"Khó-liân ê ko͘-niû!" tńg chhù ê sî góa án-ne siūⁿ; "I it-tēng sí-kah chin chhám, tī i ê sè-kài kan-ta sin-thé hó-hó chiah ē ū pêng-iú." Bô-tāi-bô-chì góa soah ūi tio̍h Marguerite Gautier ê ūn-miā kám-kak sim-cho-cho.

Ū ê lâng khó-lêng kám-kak hó-chhiò, m̄-koh góa tùi hit-chióng cha-bó͘ chóng-sī tông-chêng, chit chióng tông-chêng-sim mā bô su-iàu kap lâng piān-kái.

Chi̍t kang, góa khì gê-mn̂g niá hō͘-chiàu, tī hù-kīn ê ke-lō͘ khòaⁿ tio̍h chi̍t ê ko͘-niû khì hō͘ nn̄g ê kèng-chhat ah-leh kiâⁿ. Góa m̄-chai sī siáⁿ tāi-chì, kan-ta khòaⁿ tio̍h i khàu-kah chin siong-sim, phō chi̍t ê kúi kò-goe̍h tōa ê gín-á teh chim, hông lia̍h tio̍h tiāⁿ-tio̍h bú-kiáⁿ ài hun-khui. Chū hit-kang khí, góa tō bē koh khòaⁿ-khin cha-bó͘-lâng.

--

1.3 為伊感覺心慒慒
一工, 這个姑娘變甲喙笑目笑. Tī in 老母安排 ê 各種墮落中間, 敢若神有賜予伊一个幸福. 著, 是按怎神已經 kā 伊生做 chiah 軟汫, 袂當 tī 伊性命遭受痛苦負擔 ê 時陣予伊有淡薄安慰? 彼工, 伊發覺家己得欲有囡仔 ah, 所有賰 tī 伊身軀 ê 純潔隨 tō 歡喜甲起趒. 靈魂有奇妙 ê 寄託 ah. Louise 走去 kā in 老母報這个好消息. 這是歹開喙 ê 見笑代, 毋過咱無欲講風流 ê 故事; 咱干焦講事實. 這款查某咱總是無先聽 tō kā 罵, 無判斷 tō kā 笑, 咱若無相信講, 愛經常指出 in ê 犧牲, chiah-ê 代誌 tō 攏莫講較好; 真見笑 ê 是, 這个老母回答伊講, in 兩人 ê 生活已經歹過日 ah, 一定無夠三人用; 生囡仔無路用, 做月內 koh 了時間.

第二工, 有一个產婆來看 Louise, 咱會使講彼是 in 老母 ê 朋友, Louise 倒 tī 眠床幾若工, 好了比以前閣較青白, 閣較虛弱.

三個月了後, 有一个人同情伊, tō 設法醫治伊心身 ê 病; 毋過前一个打擊實在傷大, Louise 猶是死. In 老母猶活 leh; 生活按怎? 神才會知.

我當 teh 看 chiah-ê 銀製 ê 梳妝用品 ê 時, 這个故事 koh 予我想起, teh 想 ê 時一定過了一段時間, 今房間已經無人, 干焦我 kap 看顧 ê 人, 伊徛 tī 門邊, 真注意看我, 是毋是會偷提啥物件.

我行到看顧 ê 頭前, 伊煞感覺緊張. "先生," 我問伊, "你會使 kǎ 講本來蹛遮彼个人 ê 名無?"

"Marguerite Gautier 小姐."

我捌這个名, mā 看過伊.

"啥! Marguerite Gautier 已經死 ah?"

"是 ah, 先生."

"伊當時死 ê?"

"有三禮拜 ah."

"是按怎 hông 看伊 ê 房間?"

"債主相信 án-ne 價數會較懸. 先 hông 看 chiah-ê 物件; in tō 較有興趣買."

"Án-ne 講, 伊是有債務?"

"欠誠濟 oh, 先生."

"賣 ê 錢有夠還無?"

"猶有賰."

"賰 ê 予 siáng?"

"In 家族."

"伊有家族?"

"看是 án-ne."

"多謝." 看顧 ê 知我 ê 意向, 摸帽仔行禮, 我自 án-ne 出來.

"可憐 ê 姑娘!" 轉厝 ê 時我 án-ne 想; "伊一定死甲真慘, tī 伊 ê 世界干焦身體好好才會有朋友." 無代無誌我煞為著 Marguerite Gautier ê 運命感覺心慒慒.

有 ê 人可能感覺好笑, m̄-koh 我對彼種查某總是同情, 這種同情心 mā 無需要 kap 人辯解.

一工, 我去衙門領護照, tī 附近 ê 街路看著一个姑娘去予兩个警察押 leh 行. 我毋知是啥代誌, 干焦看著伊哭甲真傷心, 抱一个幾個月大 ê 囡仔 teh chim, hông 掠著定著母囝愛分開. 自彼工起, 我 tō 袂 koh 看輕查某人.

--

1.3

One day the girl's face was transfigured. In the midst of all the debauches mapped out by her mother, it seemed to her as if God had left over for her one happiness. And why indeed should God, who had made her without strength, have left her without consolation, under the sorrowful burden of her life? One day, then, she realized that she was to have a child, and all that remained to her of chastity leaped for joy. The soul has strange refuges. Louise ran to tell the good news to her mother. It is a shameful thing to speak of, but we are not telling tales of pleasant sins; we are telling of true facts, which it would be better, no doubt, to pass over in silence, if we did not believe that it is needful from time to time to reveal the martyrdom of those who are condemned without bearing, scorned without judging; shameful it is, but this mother answered the daughter that they had already scarce enough for two, and would certainly not have enough for three; that such children are useless, and a lying-in is so much time lost. 

Next day a midwife, of whom all we will say is that she was a friend of the mother, visited Louise, who remained in bed for a few days, and then got up paler and feebler than before. 

Three months afterward a man took pity on her and tried to heal her, morally and physically; but the last shock had been too violent, and Louise died of it. The mother still lives; how? God knows. 

This story returned to my mind while I looked at the silver toilet things, and a certain space of time must have elapsed during these reflections, for no one was left in the room but myself and an attendant, who, standing near the door, was carefully watching me to see that I did not pocket anything. 

I went up to the man, to whom I was causing so much anxiety. "Sir," I said, "can you tell me the name of the person who formerly lived here?" 

"Mademoiselle Marguerite Gautier."


I knew her by name and by sight.


"What!" I said to the attendant; "Marguerite Gautier is dead?" 

"Yes, sir." 

"When did she die?" 

"Three weeks ago, I believe." 

"And why are the rooms on view?" 

"The creditors believe that it will send up the prices. People can see beforehand the effect of the things; you see that induces them to buy." 

"She was in debt, then?" 

"To any extent, sir."


"But the sale will cover it?" 

"And more too." 

"Who will get what remains over?" 

"Her family."


"She had a family?"


"It seems so." 

"Thanks."
The attendant, reassured as to my intentions, touched his hat, and I went out. 

"Poor girl!" I said to myself as I returned home; "she must have had a sad death, for, in her world, one has friends only when one is perfectly well." And in spite of myself I began to feel melancholy over the fate of Marguerite Gautier. 

It will seem absurd to many people, but I have an unbounded sympathy for women of this kind, and I do not think it necessary to apologize for such sympathy. 

One day, as I was going to the Prefecture for a passport, I saw in one of the neighbouring streets a poor girl who was being marched along by two policemen. I do not know what was the matter. All I know is that she was weeping bitterly as she kissed an infant only a few months old, from whom her arrest was to separate her. Since that day I have never dared to despise a woman at first sight. 

--