26.2 Lín lāu-pē úi-thok lâng the̍h chîⁿ lâi
12 goe̍h 20.
Thiⁿ-khì chiâⁿ chha, teh lo̍h-seh, góa kám-kak
ko͘-toaⁿ. Saⁿ kang í-lâi, góa it-ti̍t hoat-sio, bô hoat-tō͘ siá siáⁿ hō͘ lí. Mā
bô siáⁿ siau-sit, góa ê pêng-iú; ta̍k kang góa gōng-gōng tán lí ê phe, m̄-koh
lóng bô lâi, tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī éng-oán bē lâi lah. Kan-ta cha-po͘-lâng chiah ū-kàu
kian-kiông, bē hòng-khì. Kong-chiok mā bô phe lâi.
Prudence koh khì tǹg góa ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ ah.
Góa it-ti̍t lóng teh sàu hoeh-si. Oh, lí nā khòaⁿ
tio̍h góa, lí mā ē m̄-kam. Lí chiâⁿ hēng-hok, sī tī un-loán ê khì-hāu, bô
chhiūⁿ góa, kui-ê kôaⁿ-thiⁿ lóng sī peng-seh ut tī sim-koaⁿ. Kin-á-ji̍t góa ū
khí-chhn̂g chi̍t ē-á, ùi thang-á lî khòaⁿ chhut-khì, khòaⁿ tio̍h gōa-kháu Paris
ê seng-oa̍h, hit-chióng seng-oa̍h í-keng kap góa bô iân ah lah. Góa ū khòaⁿ
tio̍h kúi-ê-á góa bat ê lâng ê bīn, kín-kín keng-kòe, khoài-lo̍k koh bô-iu-lū. Lóng
bô-lâng gia̍h-thâu khòaⁿ góa ê thang-á. Put-jî-kò, ū kúi-ê-á siàu-liân-ke lâi kā
góa thàm-an. Í-chêng góa phòa-pēⁿ ê sî, hit-sî lí sui-jîan iáu m̄-bat góa,
sui-jiân kap góa bô koan-hē, chí-sī bat chi̍t kang hō͘ góa chhòng-tī kòe, lí
ta̍k-kang lóng lâi kā góa thàm-an. Lán chò-hóe seng-oa̍h ū la̍k kò goe̍h. Góa
móa-sim ài lí, kā cha-bó͘-lâng sim-koaⁿ só͘ té ē tiâu, pàng ē khui ê ài lóng
hō͘ lí lah. Taⁿ lí soah lī góa hn̄g-hn̄g, soah teh oàn-tò͘ góa, chi̍t kù an-ùi
ê ōe mā bô siá hō͘ góa. Góa siong-sìn, lí lī-khui góa m̄-sī kò͘-ì, in-ūi lí nā
tī Paris, lí it-tēng bē lī-khui góa ê chhn̂g-piⁿ.
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12 goe̍h 25.
Góa ê i-seng m̄-chún góa ta̍k-kang siá mi̍h-kiāⁿ.
Khak-si̍t, góa nā siūⁿ-tio̍h kòe-khì, góa tō lú hoat-sio, m̄-koh cha-hng góa
chiap-tio̍h chi̍t tiuⁿ tùi góa hó ê phe, phe nih ê ōe pí lāi-té só͘ kià ê
mi̍h-kiāⁿ koh khah hó. Tō sī án-ne, kin-á-ji̍t góa koh ū hoat-tō͘ siá-phe hō͘
lí. Hit tiuⁿ phe sī lín lāu-pē kià ê, i lāi-té siá ê sī án-ne:
=
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Hu-jîn: Góa tú-chiah chai-iáⁿ lí sin-thé
kiàm-an. Góa nā tī Paris, tiāⁿ-tio̍h ē chhin-sin lâi chhéng-an; góan kiáⁿ nā tī
chia, góa mā ē kiò i khì khòaⁿ lí; m̄-koh góa bô hoat-tō͘ lī-khui C siâⁿ,
Armand iū-koh lī góa la̍k-chhit pah lí-lō͘ hn̄g; in-ūi án-ne, hu-jîn, chhiáⁿ ín-chún
góa kan-ta iōng siá-phe, góa thiàⁿ-sim lí ê pēⁿ, góa chin-sim hi-bāng lí ē
kín-kín hoe-ho̍k kiān-khong.
Góa ê chi̍t ê pêng-iú H Ss ē lâi pài-hóng lí;
lí ē-sái hchiap-la̍p i bô? Góa pài-thok i chi̍t-hāng tāi-chì, góa iáu koh
cho-sim tng teh tán-hāu i pò-kò pān-lí liáu ê kiat-kó.
Siong-sìn góa, hu-jîn,
Lí ê tiong-si̍t ê lâng.
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Che tō sī i kià hō͘ góa ê phe. Lín lāu-pē ū chi̍t
lia̍p ko-kùi ê sim; góa ê pêng iú, lí tio̍h hó-hó ài i, in-ūi chin chió
cha-po͘-lâng chiah-nī ta̍t-tit hō͘ lâng ài. I chhiam-miâ ê chit tiuⁿ phe pí
i-seng khui ê io̍h-hng tùi góa koh khah hó lah.
Kin-á chá-khí H Ss lâi lah. I ká-ná kám-kak lín
lāu-pē iang--i ê bî-miāu jīm-bū pháiⁿ khui-chhùi. Sū-si̍t-siōng, i lâi sī the̍h
lín lāu-pē boeh hō͘ góa ê 3000 franc. Chi̍t khai-sí, góa kā kī-choa̍t, m̄-koh H
Ss kóng, góa nā kī-choa̍t lín lāu-pē ē chin put-an, in-ūi i kiò i seng the̍h
chiah-ê lâi, í-āu góa nā su-iàu chiah koh the̍h. Góa tō kā chiap-siū, in-ūi sī
lín lāu-pē hō͘ góa ê, che bē-sái kā khòaⁿ-chò sī si-siá. Lí tńg-lâi ê sî, góa
nā í-keng sí ah, lí tio̍h kā góa siá tio̍h lín lāu-pē ê haih-ê ōe hō͘ i khòaⁿ,
koh kā kóng, tī siá chiah-ê ōe ê sî, chit ê i hó-sim siá phe lâi an-ùi ê
khó-liân cha-bó͘ in-ūi kám-kek, ba̍k-sái sì-lâm-sûi, koh hiòng Sîn thè i kî-tó.
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1 goe̍h chhe 4.
Góa kòe kúi-ā kang thòng-khó͘ ê ji̍t-chí. Góa
m̄-chai sin-khu ē kan-khó͘ kah án-ne. Oh, góa kòe-khì ê seng-oa̍h ah! Taⁿ góa
sī ka-pōe teh hêng i lah.
Ta̍k mê lóng ū lâng tī sin-piⁿ chiàu-kò͘ góa; góa
chhoán bô-khùi. Góa khó-liân ê sèⁿ-miā só͘ chhun ê m̄-sī chhò-loān tō-sī
ka-sàu.
Pn̄g-thiaⁿ lāi-té khǹg móa-móa pêng-iú chah-lâi ê kiām-sng-tiⁿ
kap kok-chióng lé-bu̍t. Góa káⁿ kóng, kî-tiong pit-tēng ū-lâng hi-bāng í-āu góa
chò in ê chêng-hū. Nā khòaⁿ ē-tio̍h góa í-keng pēⁿ kah siáⁿ-khoán, in
tiāⁿ-tio̍h ē kiaⁿ kah kóaⁿ-kín cháu-khui.
Prudence kā góa chiap tio̍h ê lé-bu̍t tòng i ê
sin-nî lé-bu̍t sàng lâng.
Thiⁿ-khì ū khah sio-lō, i-seng kóng, nā koh hó-thiⁿ
kúi-kang, góa tō ē-sái chhut-khì kiâⁿ-kiâⁿ leh.
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1 goe̍h chhe 8.
Cha-hng góa chē bé-chhia chhut-khì. Thiⁿ-khì chin
hó. Champs-Elysees tōa-ke lâng chin chē. Che tō ná chhiūⁿ chhun-thiⁿ ê thâu
chi̍t-kái chhiò-bīn. Ta̍k-hāng tùi góa lóng ná chhiūⁿ sī kòe-cheh. Í-chêng góa
m̄-chai ji̍t-thâu-kng ē hō͘ góa hiah chē hoaⁿ-hí, tiⁿ-bi̍t, kap an-ùi.
Góa chha-put-to tú-tio̍h só͘-ū bat ê lâng, in lóng
chin hoaⁿ-hí, lóng chīn-sim hiáng-siū. Mā ū hēng-hok ê lâng m̄-chai in ê
hēng-hok! Olympe chē chi̍t-tâi N Ss sàng i ê bé-chhia keng-kòe. I iōng ba̍k-sek
siūⁿ boeh bú-jio̍k góa. I m̄-chai, góa í-keng lī hiah-ê lóng chin hn̄g ah lah. Chi̍t
ê góa bat chin kú ê hó-lâng, mn̄g góa sī-m̄-sī ē-sái kap i hām in pêng-iú
chò-hóe chia̍h siau-iā, i kóng, in pêng-iú chin siūⁿ boeh kap góa sio-bat. Góa
chí-sī khin-khin tùi i chhiò, koh kā góa he hoat-sio kah ē thǹg ê chhiú chhun
hō͘ i. Góa m̄-bat khòaⁿ kòe hiah-nī kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ ê bīn-sek.
Sì tiám góa tńg kàu chhù, àm-tǹg ê sî góa ê ūi-kháu
chin hó. Chhut-khì tùi góa chin ū hó-chhù. Hi-bāng góa ē hó khí-lâi! Khòaⁿ
tio̍h pa̍t-lâng ê seng-oa̍h kap khoài-lo̍k koh-chài hō͘ góa oa̍h-lo̍h ê
io̍k-bōng, kan-ta cha-àm, in-ūi lêng-hûn ê khang-hi kap tī pēⁿ-pâng ê o͘-iáⁿ,
góa chiah siūⁿ boeh kín-kín sí khì.
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26.2 恁老爸央人提錢來
12 月 20.
天氣誠差, teh 落雪, 我感覺孤單. 三工以來, 我一直發燒, 無法度寫啥予你. Mā 無啥消息, 我 ê 朋友; 逐工我戇戇等你 ê 批, 毋過攏無來, 定著是永遠袂來 lah. 干焦查埔人才有夠堅強, 袂放棄. 公爵 mā 無批來.
Prudence koh 去當我 ê 物件 ah.
我一直攏 teh 嗽血絲. Oh, 你 nā 看著我, 你 mā 會毋甘. 你誠幸福, 是 tī 溫暖 ê 氣候, 無像我, 規个寒天攏是冰雪鬱 tī 心肝. 今仔日我有起床一下仔, ùi 窗仔簾看出去, 看著外口 Paris ê 生活, 彼種生活已經 kap 我無緣 ah lah. 我有看著幾个仔我捌 ê 人 ê 面, 緊緊經過, 快樂 koh 無憂慮. 攏無人攑頭看我 ê 窗仔. 不而過, 有幾个仔少年家來 kā 我探安. 以前我破病 ê 時, 彼時你雖然猶毋捌我, 雖然 kap 我無關係, 只是 bat 一工予我創治過, 你逐工攏來 kā 我探安. 咱做伙生活有六個月. 我滿心愛你, kā 查某人心肝所 té 會牢, 放會開 ê 愛攏予你 lah. 今你煞離我遠遠, 煞 teh 怨妒我, 一句安慰 ê 話 mā 無寫予我. 我相信, 你離開我毋是故意, 因為你 nā tī
Paris, 你一定袂離開我 ê 床邊.
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12 月 25.
我 ê 醫生毋准我逐工寫物件. 確實, 我 nā 想著過去, 我 tō 愈發燒, 毋過昨昏我接著一張對我好 ê 批, 批 nih ê 話比內底所寄 ê 物件閣較好. Tō 是 án-ne, 今仔日我 koh 有法度寫批予你. 彼張批是恁老爸寄 ê, 伊內底寫 ê 是 án-ne:
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夫人: 我拄才知影你身體欠安. 我 nā tī
Paris, 定著會親身來請安; 阮囝 nā tī 遮, 我 mā 會叫伊去看你; 毋過我無法度離開 C 城, Armand 又閣離我六七百里路遠; 因為 án-ne, 夫人, 請允准我干焦用寫批, 我疼心你 ê 病, 我真心希望你會緊緊恢復健康.
我 ê 一个朋友 H Ss 會來拜訪你; 你會使接納伊無? 我拜託伊一項代誌, 我猶閣慒心當 teh 等候伊報告辦理了 ê 結果.
相信我, 夫人,
你 ê 忠實 ê 人.
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這 tō 是伊寄予我 ê 批. 恁老爸有一粒高貴 ê 心; 我 ê 朋友, 你著好好愛伊, 因為真少查埔人 chiah-nī 值得予人愛. 伊簽名 ê 這張批比醫生開 ê 藥方對我閣較好 lah.
今仔早起 H Ss 來 lah. 伊敢若感覺恁老爸央伊 ê 微妙任務歹開喙. 事實上, 伊來是提恁老爸欲予我 ê 3000 franc. 一開始, 我 kā 拒絕, 毋過 H Ss 講, 我 nā 拒絕恁老爸會真不安, 因為伊叫伊先提 chiah-ê 來, 以後我 nā 需要才 koh 提. 我 tō kā 接受, 因為是恁老爸予我 ê, 這袂使 kā 看做是施捨. 你轉來 ê 時, 我 nā 已經死 ah, 你著 kā 我寫著恁老爸 ê haih-ê 話予伊看, koh kā 講, tī 寫 chiah-ê 話 ê 時, 這个伊好心寫批來安慰 ê 可憐查某因為感激, 目屎四淋垂, koh 向神替伊祈禱.
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1 月初 4.
我過幾若工痛苦 ê 日子. 我毋知身軀會艱苦甲 án-ne. Oh, 我過去 ê 生活 ah! 今我是加倍 teh 還伊 lah.
逐暝攏有人 tī 身邊照顧我; 我喘無氣. 我可憐 ê 性命所賰 ê 毋是錯亂 tō 是咳嗽.
飯廳內底囥滿滿朋友扎來 ê 鹹酸甜 kap 各種禮物. 我敢講, 其中必定有人希望以後我做 in ê 情婦. Nā 看會著我已經病甲啥款, in 定著會驚甲趕緊走開.
Prudence kā 我接著 ê 禮物當伊 ê 新年禮物送人.
天氣有較燒烙, 醫生講, nā koh 好天幾工, 我 tō 會使出去行行 leh.
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1 月初 8.
昨昏我坐馬車出去. 天氣真好. Champs-Elysees 大街人真濟. 這 tō 若像春天 ê 頭一改笑面. 逐項對我攏若像是過節. 以前我毋知日頭光會予我 hiah 濟歡喜, 甜蜜, kap 安慰.
我差不多拄著所有捌 ê 人, in 攏真歡喜, 攏盡心享受. Mā 有幸福 ê 人毋知 in ê 幸福! Olympe 坐一台 N Ss 送伊 ê 馬車經過. 伊用目色想欲侮辱我. 伊毋知, 我已經離 hiah-ê 攏真遠 ah lah. 一个我捌真久 ê 好人, 問我是毋是會使 kap 伊和 in 朋友做伙食宵夜, 伊講, in 朋友真想欲 kap 我相捌. 我只是輕輕對伊笑, koh kā 我彼發燒甲會燙 ê 手伸予伊. 我 m̄-bat 看過 hiah-nī 驚惶 ê 面色.
四點我轉到厝, 暗頓 ê 時我 ê 胃口真好. 出去對我真有好處. 希望我會好起來! 看著別人 ê 生活 kap 快樂閣再予我活落 ê 慾望, 干焦昨暗, 因為靈魂 ê 空虛 kap tī 病房 ê 烏影, 我才想欲緊緊死去.
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26.2
December 20.
The weather is horrible; it is snowing, and I am alone. I have been in such a fever for the last three days that I could not write you a word. No news, my friend; every day I hope vaguely for a letter from you, but it does not come, and no doubt it will never come. Only men are strong enough not to forgive. The duke has not answered.
Prudence is pawning my things again.
I have been spitting blood all the time. Oh, you would be sorry for me if you could see me. You are indeed happy to be under a warm sky, and not, like me, with a whole winter of ice on your chest. To-day I got up for a little while, and looked out through the curtains of my window, and watched the life of Paris passing below, the life with which I have now nothing more to do. I saw the faces of some people I knew, passing rapidly, joyous and careless. Not one lifted his eyes to my window. However, a few young men have come to inquire for me. Once before I was ill, and you, though you did not know me, though you had had nothing from me but an impertinence the day I met you first, you came to inquire after me every day. We spent six months together. I had all the love for you that a woman's heart can hold and give, and you are far away, you are cursing me, and there is not a word of consolation from you. But it is only chance that has made you leave me, I am sure, for if you were at Paris, you would not leave my bedside.
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December 25.
My doctor tells me I must not write every day. And indeed my memories only increase my fever, but yesterday I received a letter which did me good, more because of what it said than by the material help which it contained. I can write to you, then, to-day. This letter is from your father, and this is what it says:
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"MADAME: I have just learned that you are ill. If I were at Paris I would come and ask after you myself; if my son were here I would send him; but I can not leave C., and Armand is six or seven hundred leagues from here; permit me, then, simply to write to you, madame, to tell you how pained I am to hear of your illness, and believe in my sincere wishes for your speedy recovery.
One of my good friends, M. H., will call on you; will you kindly receive him? I have intrusted him with a commission, the result of which I await impatiently.
Believe me, madame,
Yours most faithfully."
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This is the letter he sent me. Your father has a noble heart; love him well, my friend, for there are few men so worthy of being loved. This paper signed by his name has done me more good than all the prescriptions of our great doctor.
This morning M. H. called. He seemed much embarrassed by the delicate mission which M. Duval had intrusted to him. As a matter of fact, he came to bring me three thousand francs from your father. I wanted to refuse at first, but M. H. told me that my refusal would annoy M. Duval, who had authorized him to give me this sum now, and later on whatever I might need. I accepted it, for, coming from your father, it could not be exactly taking alms. If I am dead when you come back, show your father what I have written for him, and tell him that in writing these lines the poor woman to whom he was kind enough to write so consoling a letter wept tears of gratitude and prayed God for him.
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January 4.
I have passed some terrible days. I never knew the body could suffer so. Oh, my past life! I pay double for it now.
There has been some one to watch by me every night; I can not breathe. What remains of my poor existence is shared between being delirious and coughing.
The dining-room is full of sweets and all sorts of presents that my friends have brought. Some of them, I dare say, are hoping that I shall be their mistress later on. If they could see what sickness has made of me, they would go away in terror.
Prudence is giving her New Year's presents with those I have received.
There is a thaw, and the doctor says that I may go out in a few days if the fine weather continues.
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January 8.
I went out yesterday in my carriage. The weather was lovely. The Champs-Elysees was full of people. It was like the first smile of spring. Everything about me had a festal air. I never knew before that a ray of sunshine could contain so much joy, sweetness, and consolation.
I met almost all the people I knew, all happy, all absorbed in their pleasures. How many happy people don't even know that they are happy! Olympe passed me in an elegant carriage that M. de N. has given her. She tried to insult me by her look. She little knows how far I am from such things now. A nice fellow, whom I have known for a long time, asked me if I would have supper with him and one of his friends, who, he said, was very anxious to make my acquaintance. I smiled sadly and gave him my hand, burning with fever. I never saw such an astonished countenance.
I came in at four, and had quite an appetite for my dinner. Going out has done me good. If I were only going to get well! How the sight of the life and happiness of others gives a desire of life to those who, only the night before, in the solitude of their soul and in the shadow of their sick-room, only wanted to die soon!
26.3
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