26.3 Góa taⁿ ê sin-khu, gōa-chē ū lâng boeh bé
-
1 goe̍h chhe 10.
Hi-bāng ē hó khí-lâi, che sī bāng-sióng. Góa koh tò
tī bîn-chhn̂g ah, sin-khu boah-móa sio-thǹg-thǹg ê chio̍h-ko. Kòe-khì tio̍h hù koân-kè
chiah tit ē-tio̍h ê sin-khu, taⁿ nā koh the̍h lâi bē, góa hoâi-gî, gōa-chē
ū-lâng boeh bé?
Nā m̄-sī téng-sì-lâng chò kòe siáⁿ-mih pháiⁿ
tāi-chì, tō-sī sí khì liáu-āu boeh hiáng-siū hui-siông ê hēng-hok, Sîn chiah ē
hō͘ góa ê it-seng chhiong-móa tio̍h sio̍k-chōe ê khó͘-chhó͘ kap chióng-chióng
pi-chhám ê chiat-bôa.
-
1 goe̍h 12.
Góa it-ti̍t teh kan-khó͘.
N pek-chiok cha-hng sàng lâi chi̍t-kóa chîⁿ, góa bô
kā chiap-siū. Hit lâng ê siáⁿ góa lóng bô-ài. Lóng sī in-ūi i, lí chiah ē
lī-khui góa.
Oh, Bougival ê hó ji̍t-chí ah! Lóng tó khì ah?
Nā ē-tàng oa̍h tio̍h lī-khui pâng-keng, góa boeh
koh khì lán chò-hóe tòa-kòe ê chhù, m̄-koh góa sí liáu chiah ē lī-khui
pâng-keng.
Siáng chai, bîn-á-chài góa ū hoat-tō͘ siá-phe hō͘
lí bô?
-
1 goe̍h 25.
Í-keng 11 mê góa lóng bô hoat-tō͘ khùn. Góa chhoán
bô khùi. Múi sî múi khek góa lóng siūⁿ-kóng boeh sí ah. I-seng put-chún góa
the̍h pit. Chiàu-kò͘ góa ê Julie Duprat chún góa siá kúi chōa jī hō͘ lí. Lí kám
bē tī góa sí chìn-chêng tńg-lâi? Lán ê tāi-chì kám án-ne lóng soah ah? Góa
kám-kak, lí nā lâi, góa tō ē hó khí-lâi. Hó khí-lâi koh ū siáⁿ-mih hó neh?
-
1 goe̍h 28.
Chá-khí góa hō͘ chi̍t chūn chhá-nāu siaⁿ phah
chhéⁿ. Khùn tī góa pâng-keng ê Julie cháu kàu pn̄g-thiaⁿ. Góa thiaⁿ tio̍h i kap
chi̍t kóa cha-po͘-lâng sio-jiáng, m̄-koh bô hāu, i tńg-lâi, ná teh háu.
In boeh lâi cha-hong góa ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Góa kā Julie
kóng, hō͘ in khì chò in kóng ê chèng-gī ê tāi-chì. Chip-hêng-koaⁿ kiâⁿ-ji̍p góa
ê pâng-keng, bō-á tì tio̍h. I kā thoah-á thoah khui, teng-kì i khòaⁿ tio̍h ê
mi̍h-kiāⁿ, ká-ná m̄-chai ū chi̍t ê boeh sí ê cha-bó͘ tó tī bîn-chhn̂g-téng,
ka-chài jîn-chû ê hoat-lu̍t kā bîn-chhn̂g lâu hō͘ góa.
Lī-khui chìn-chêng, i chóng-sǹg kă kóng, góa ē-sái
tī káu kang í-lāi siōng-sò͘, m̄-koh i lâu chi̍t ê lâng chò khàn-siú. Thiⁿ ah!
góa taⁿ sī án-chóaⁿ? Chit-chióng tiûⁿ-bīn hō͘ góa lú kan-khó͘. Prudence boeh
khì chhōe lín lāu-pē ê pêng-iú the̍h chîⁿ, m̄-koh góa m̄-chún i khì.
-
1 goe̍h 30.
Chá-khí chiap-tio̍h lí ê phe, che góa tán chin kú
ah. Góa ê hôe-phe ē-hù kàu lí hia bô? Lí koh khòaⁿ ē-tio̍h góa bô? Che sī
khoài-lo̍k ê chi̍t kang, hō͘ góa bē-kì-tit kòe-khì la̍k lé-pài góa tō͘-kòe ê
ji̍t-chí. Góa kám-kak ka-tī ū khah hó ah, kan-ta tī siá hôe-phe hō͘ lí ê sî,
góa kám-kak sim-chêng ut-chut.
Chóng-sī, bô-lâng sī éng-oán teh ut-chut.
Góa koh teh siūⁿ, góa nā ē-tàng mài sí, hō͘ lí ē-hù
tńg-lâi, hō͘ góa koh khòaⁿ tio̍h chhun-thiⁿ, hō͘ lí iáu ē-sái ài góa, hō͘ lán
ē-tàng tiông-sin koh khai-sí kū-nî ê seng-oa̍h!
Góa ū-kàu sam-pat! Góa liân pit to gia̍h bē chāi,
soah siá chit-chióng sim-nih gōng-siūⁿ ê phe lâi hō͘ lí.
M̄-koán án-chóaⁿ, góa chin-sim ài lí, Armand, nā
m̄-sī siūⁿ tio̍h kòe-khì lí thiàⁿ góa, kap siūⁿ boeh koh khòaⁿ lí tī góa
sin-piⁿ ê biáu-bông hi-bāng, góa eng-kai chá tō sí ah lah.
-
2 goe̍h chhe 4.
G pek-chiok tńg-lâi ah. I ê chêng-hū tùi i
put-tiong. I chin siong-sim; i pún-chiâⁿ chin ài hit ê chêng-hū. I lâi góa
chia, siáⁿ lóng kă kóng. Chit ê khó-liân ê lâng, kim-chîⁿ mā bô sūn-lī; i
kāng-khoán thè góa hù-chîⁿ hō͘ chip-hêng-koaⁿ, chhe-cháu khàn-siú.
Góa kā kóng-khí lí, i tah-èng boeh kā lí kóng góa ê
tāi-chì. Góa bē-kì-tit góa bat sī i ê chêng-hū, i mā bô ài góa kì-khí he. I sī
chi̍t ê hó pêng-iú.
Kong-chiok cha-hng ū phài-lâng lâi thàm-an, kin-á
chá-khí i chhin-sin lâi khòaⁿ góa. Góa m̄-chai chit ê lāu-kâu ná ē iáu oa̍h
tio̍h. I tī góa chia lâu saⁿ tiám-cheng, kóng bô kúi kù ōe. Khòaⁿ tio̍h góa
pe̍h chhang-chhang, i ê ba̍k-chiu tih-lo̍h nn̄g tih ba̍k-sái. I it-tēng sī siūⁿ-khí
sí-khì ê cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ chiah lâi khàu. Taⁿ i tio̍h koh khòaⁿ i sí tē-jī piàn. I
í-keng khiau-ku, thâu-khak hiòng chêng, chhùi-kak sûi-sûi, bô ba̍k-sîn. Nî-lāu
kap siong-sim siang-pōe ê tāng-liōng teh tī i soe-jio̍k ê sin-khu. I pēng bô
chek-pī góa. Khòaⁿ khí-lâi, i ná àm-àm hoaⁿ-hí khòaⁿ tio̍h góa hō͘ pēⁿ-mô͘
án-ne lêng-tī. I ká-ná hong-sîn i iáu khiā-tio̍h, ah iáu siàu-liân ê góa soah tio̍h tó-leh kan-khó͘.
Pháiⁿ-thiⁿ koh lâi ah. Bô lâng lâi thàm góa. Julie
chīn-sim chiàu-kò͘ góa. Prudence, in-ūi góa í-keng bô hoat-tō͘ chhiūⁿ chá-chêng
án-ne hō͘ i hiah chē chîⁿ, khai-sí iōng chióng-chióng lí-iû, bô koh lâi lah.
Taⁿ góa tit-boeh sí ah, m̄-koán i-seng án-chóaⁿ
kóng, góa kúi-nā ê i-seng lóng chèng-bêng góa lú lâi lú giâm-tiōng ah, góa soah
hoán-hóe ná ē thiaⁿ lín lāu-pē ê ōe; chá góa nā chai, góa kan-ta ē gō͘ tio̍h lí
chi̍t nî ê sî-kan, góa tō jím-put-chū ē boeh ǹg-bāng kap lí chò-hóe kòe chit
nî, nā án-ne, siōng-bô, sí ê sî mā ū chi̍t ê pêng-iú thang khan góa ê chhiú.
Kóng chin ê, chit nî lán nā chò-hóe, góa tō bē chiah kín sí lah.
Che lóng sī Sîn ê ì-sù lah!
--
26.3 我今 ê 身軀, 偌濟有人欲買
-
1 月初 10.
希望會好起來, 這是夢想. 我 koh 倒 tī 眠床 ah, 身軀抹滿燒燙燙 ê 石膏. 過去著付懸價才得會著 ê 身軀, 今 nā koh 提來賣, 我懷疑, 偌濟有人欲買?
Nā 毋是頂世人做過啥物歹代誌, tō 是死去了後欲享受非常 ê 幸福, 神才會予我 ê 一生充滿著贖罪 ê 苦楚 kap 種種悲慘 ê 折磨.
-
1 月 12.
我一直 teh 艱苦.
N 伯爵昨昏送來一寡錢, 我無 kā 接受. 彼人 ê 啥我攏無愛. 攏是因為伊, 你才會離開我.
Oh, Bougival ê 好日子 ah! 攏佗去 ah?
Nā 會當活著離開房間, 我欲 koh 去咱做伙蹛過 ê 厝, 毋過我死了才會離開房間.
Siáng 知, 明仔載我有法度寫批予你無?
-
1 月 25.
已經 11 暝我攏無法度睏. 我喘無氣. 每時每刻我攏想講欲死 ah. 醫生不准我提筆. 照顧我 ê Julie
Duprat 准我寫幾逝字予你. 你敢袂 tī 我死進前轉來? 咱 ê 代誌敢 án-ne 攏煞 ah? 我感覺, 你 nā 來, 我 tō 會好起來. 好起來 koh 有啥物好 neh?
-
1 月 28.
早起我予一陣吵鬧聲拍醒. 睏 tī 我房間 ê Julie 走到飯廳. 我聽著伊 kap 一寡查埔人相嚷, 毋過無效, 伊轉來, ná teh 吼.
In 欲來查封我 ê 物件. 我 kā Julie 講, 予 in 去做 in 講 ê 正義 ê 代誌. 執行官行入我 ê 房間, 帽仔戴著. 伊 kā 屜仔挩開, 登記伊看著 ê 物件, 敢若毋知有一个欲死 ê 查某倒 tī 眠床頂, 佳哉仁慈 ê 法律 kā 眠床留予我.
離開進前, 伊總算 kă 講, 我會使 tī 九工以內上訴, 毋過伊留一个人做看守. 天 ah! 我今是按怎? 這種場面予我愈艱苦. Prudence 欲去揣恁老爸 ê 朋友提錢, 毋過我毋准伊去.
-
1 月 30.
早起接著你 ê 批, 這我等真久 ah. 我 ê 回批會赴到你遐無? 你 koh 看會著我無? 這是快樂 ê 一工, 予我袂記得過去六禮拜我度過 ê 日子. 我感覺家己有較好 ah, 干焦 tī 寫回批予你 ê 時, 我感覺心情鬱卒.
總是, 無人是永遠 teh 鬱卒.
我 koh teh 想, 我 nā 會當莫死, 予你會赴轉來, 予我 koh 看著春天, 予你猶會使愛我, 予咱會當重新 koh 開始舊年 ê 生活!
我有夠三八! 我連筆 to 攑袂在, 煞寫這種心 nih 戇想 ê 批來予你.
毋管按怎, 我真心愛你, Armand, nā 毋是想著過去你疼我, kap 想欲 koh 看你 tī 我身邊 ê 渺茫希望, 我應該早 tō 死 ah lah.
-
2 月初 4.
G 伯爵轉來 ah. 伊 ê 情婦對伊不忠. 伊真傷心; 伊本成真愛彼个情婦. 伊來我遮, 啥攏 kă 講. 這个可憐 ê 人, 金錢 mā 無順利; 伊仝款替我付錢予執行官, 差走看守.
我 kā 講起你, 伊答應欲 kā 你講我 ê 代誌. 我袂記得我 bat 是伊 ê 情婦, 伊 mā 無愛我記起彼. 伊是一个好朋友.
公爵昨昏有派人來探安, 今仔早起伊親身來看我. 我毋知這个老猴那會猶活著. 伊 tī 我遮留三點鐘, 講無幾句話. 看著我白蔥蔥, 伊 ê 目睭滴落兩滴目屎. 伊一定是想起死去 ê 查某囝才來哭. 今伊著 koh 看伊死第二遍. 伊已經曲痀, 頭殼向前, 喙角垂垂, 無目神. 年老 kap 傷心雙倍 ê 重量硩 tī 伊衰弱 ê 身軀. 伊並無責備我. 看起來, 伊 ná 暗暗歡喜看著我予病魔 án-ne 凌治. 伊敢若風神伊猶徛著, ah 猶少年 ê 我卻煞著倒 leh 艱苦.
歹天 koh 來 ah. 無人來探我. Julie 盡心照顧我. Prudence, 因為我已經無法度像早前 án-ne 予伊 hiah 濟錢, 開始用種種理由, 無 koh 來 lah.
今我得欲死 ah, 毋管醫生按怎講, 我幾若个醫生攏證明我愈來愈嚴重 ah, 我煞反悔那會聽恁老爸 ê 話; 早我 nā 知, 我干焦會誤著你一年 ê 時間, 我 tō 忍不住會欲向望 kap 你做伙過這年, nā án-ne, 上無, 死 ê 時 mā 有一个朋友通牽我 ê 手. 講真 ê, 這年咱 nā 做伙, 我 tō 袂 chiah 緊死 lah.
這攏是神 ê 意思 lah!
--
26.3
-
January 10.
The hope of getting better was only a dream. I am back in bed again, covered with plasters which burn me. If I were to offer the body that people paid so dear for once, how much would they give, I wonder, to-day?
We must have done something very wicked before we were born, or else we must be going to be very happy indeed when we are dead, for God to let this life have all the tortures of expiation and all the sorrows of an ordeal.
-
January 12.
I am always ill.
The Comte de N. sent me some money yesterday. I did not keep it. I won't take anything from that man. It is through him that you are not here.
Oh, that good time at Bougival! Where is it now?
If I come out of this room alive I will make a pilgrimage to the house we lived in together, but I will never leave it until I am dead.
Who knows if I shall write to you to-morrow?
-
January 25.
I have not slept for eleven nights. I am suffocated. I imagine every moment that I am going to die. The doctor has forbidden me to touch a pen. Julie Duprat, who is looking after me, lets me write these few lines to you. Will you not come back before I die? Is it all over between us forever? It seems to me as if I should get well if you came. What would be the good of getting well?
-
January 28.
This morning I was awakened by a great noise. Julie, who slept in my room, ran into the dining- room. I heard men's voices, and hers protesting against them in vain. She came back crying.
They had come to seize my things. I told her to let what they call justice have its way. The bailiff came into my room with his hat on. He opened the drawers, wrote down what he saw, and did not even seem to be aware that there was a dying woman in the bed that fortunately the charity of the law leaves me.
He said, indeed, before going, that I could appeal within nine days, but he left a man behind to keep watch. My God! what is to become of me? This scene has made me worse than I was before. Prudence wanted to go and ask your father's friend for money, but I would not let her.
-
January 30
I received your letter this morning. I was in need of it. Will my answer reach you in time? Will you ever see me again? This is a happy day, and it has made me forget all the days I have passed for the last six weeks. I seem as if I am better, in spite of the feeling of sadness under the impression of which I replied to you.
After all, no one is unhappy always.
When I think that it may happen to me not to die, for you to come back, for me to see the spring again, for you still to love me, and for us to begin over again our last year's life!
Fool that I am! I can scarcely hold the pen with which I write to you of this wild dream of my heart.
Whatever happens, I loved you well, Armand, and I would have died long ago if I had not had the memory of your love to help me and a sort of vague hope of seeing you beside me again.
-
February 4.
The Comte de G. has returned. His mistress has been unfaithful to him. He is very sad; he was very fond of her. He came to tell me all about it. The poor fellow is in rather a bad way as to money; all the same, he has paid my bailiff and sent away the man.
I talked to him about you, and he promised to tell you about me. I forgot that I had been his mistress, and he tried to make me forget it, too. He is a good friend.
The duke sent yesterday to inquire after me, and this morning he came to see me. I do not know how the old man still keeps alive. He remained with me three hours and did not say twenty words. Two big tears fell from his eyes when he saw how pale I was. The memory of his daughter's death made him weep, no doubt. He will have seen her die twice. His back was bowed, his head bent toward the ground, his lips drooping, his eyes vacant. Age and sorrow weigh with a double weight on his worn-out body. He did not reproach me. It looked as if he rejoiced secretly to see the ravages that disease had made in me. He seemed proud of being still on his feet, while I, who am still young, was broken down by suffering.
The bad weather has returned. No one comes to see me. Julie watches by me as much as she can. Prudence, to whom I can no longer give as much as I used to, begins to make excuses for not coming.
Now that I am so near death, in spite of what the doctors tell me, for I have several, which proves that I am getting worse, I am almost sorry that I listened to your father; if I had known that I should only be taking a year of your future, I could not have resisted the longing to spend that year with you, and, at least, I should have died with a friend to hold my hand. It is true that if we had lived together this year, I should not have died so soon.
God's will be done!
--
No comments:
Post a Comment